Cracked, broken, then shattered
by Oblivian03
Summary: Fili had no idea how they had ended up like this; alone, isolated, and half out of their minds with fear. Beside him Kili stirred, coming out of yet another state of induced unconsciousness. "We'll find them," he could hear Dwalin saying in the distance. For birthday prompt. WARNINGS; torture fic.
1. Hurt

**Don't own the Hobbit. Never have, never will.**

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**Alright, before some of you kill me, this wasn't my idea. It is a birthday prompt for Tweetzon86. On that note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope you like it.**

**So, back to the prompt. It was this (or part of it was. The second part relates to the end and the epilogue which I'm not going to spoil); F and K get lost, they get tortured badly, they suffer from PTSD after, and Thorin has to help them recover. **

**I will try to update daily because it is a birthday prompt. I will, however, not promise anything. Enjoy. May not be the best one you've seen of this genre (I know I've seen better) but I'm trying.**

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**Chapter 1: Hurt**

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Fili had no idea how they had ended up like this; alone, isolated, and half out of their minds with fear. Admittedly not a trait known to line of Durin, but then again, a run in with a group of orcs more vile and horrific than an entire army of Smaugs tended to make you rethink your values. And rethink them Fili had. He had done a lot of things, not all of them something to be proud of.

Beside him Kili stirred, coming out of yet another state of induced unconsciousness. A state that he had caused, albeit he had been forced to. Durin's beard! What kind of brother was he? Not that he could have done anything. Still it was no excuse.

Fili spared his brother a quick glance, taking in everything before turning his head back to watch their captors. The young dwarf looked like he had been swallowed up by the most hellish place in all of Middle-Earth and then spit back out again, though that in itself may have been an understatement. He was pretty sure that his brother's wrist had snapped most likely completely in two in the first initial grab for the offending joint was heavily swollen and an angry, painful red. Whether or not it had been an accident or to stop him from shooting, Fili did not know, but he did know that was not all the injury suffered by the brunette. Multiple lacerations littered his arms and were just visible through his torn and bloody shirt and breeches. A massive mottled bruise ran up the left side of his face, stopping just short of his eye, though it supported a bruise of its own. His forehead was beginning to sweat slightly; whether from infection or just the extent of the injuries Fili was unsure. He was unsure of a lot of things, like when the company was going to rescue them or how any being could force two brothers to do this to each other and find joy in it. Looking upon his brother again, Fili swore that if he had a knife or another object that would suffice he would run it straight through himself for each blemish upon his younger brother that he saw had come to be there by his own hands, save that of the broken wrist and the blackened eye.

It wasn't that Fili had been the only one to have been forced to take up arms against his brother, for Kili had been too. They had been given a choice; perform the act of torture on one another or, to whoever refused, watch their brother die a slow, painful death at the hands of the orcs before they too followed suit. At least like this they could try and minimise the damage done, but if they were caught withholding back too much then the consequences would be horrific. It was unfortunate for Kili that Fili had five years more experience and hardened muscles. And thus the state of unconsciousness. Sometimes the pain was too much.

Going back to watching the orcs, Fili trained his eyes on their sleeping leader. It was not Azog for Azog was long dead, but the monster seemed to share the Defiler's cruel and sadistic taste for the misery of others. More than once, the blonde had seen him throw a disobedient orc to the wargs. Or the again, it may have been because they carried no food for their steeds. Either way, it was still horrible.

The silvery light of the moon glinted in through the mouth of the cave that stank just as bad, or possibly worse, than the orcs themselves. Save a few guards stationed at the mouth of the cave and, from the sounds of it, the pack of wargs outside, everyone else was sleeping. Fili took the moment to smooth a stray strand of hair back from his brother's face before crossing his arms again, thankful that they had ceased to be bound. The logic was simple from the orcs' perspective; where could they run to if they could still run at all? Nowhere admittedly unless they wanted to lead them straight to the company which they didn't even know the whereabouts anymore. He worried silently about this, knowing his uncle would never abandon them to this fate let alone any other. After all, he had been the one to send them scouting in the first place. Yet, if for once the great dwarf did not come on time like he almost always had when they were in trouble, if this was one of the rare times that he failed then all would be lost and they would be killed, either at the hands of the orcs or at the hands of each other. Fili didn't think that he could stand to have the blood of his brother stain his soul, or at least any more than had already stained it in any case. He had to make sure his brother survived.

They needed to be rescued tomorrow, if not tonight, Fili knew as much. They had both lost a lot of blood among other things and the blonde was pretty sure both of them would soon be running a fever. He blinked a bit, suddenly feeling lightheaded as the bout of wooziness he had been fighting for the past few hours returned. Kili stirred again beside him, and looking down, Fili saw his brown eyes were now open, alert with only a taint of what they had been through lurking in them. He resisted the urge to smile. Even in all this, his brother was still trying to hide how he felt. If he wasn't the archer's older brother, he might have been fooled. But then again, the youth was not succeeding very well and it didn't take Gandalf to see the difference in the brunette's eyes.

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"We'll find them," he could hear Dwalin saying in the distance. It was hard to understand people when you were seeing red. And right now, Thorin was seeing the deep, dark, pulsing purple of utter rage.

"If they've even so much as-" he could hear himself saying, his anger and worry coming out in a mashed up ball of mess.

"Well, let's hope it hasn't come to that," Dwalin interrupted, trying to be the optimistic. Thorin highly doubted that his friend's optimism would play out.

"These are orcs we are talking about," he stated, grinding out each word with a passionate hate. Dwalin did not need to turn to see the expression on Thorin's face.

"Giving us all the more reason to hurry. Nori said he found the path to their camp."

"Then why aren't we already storming the place?" Thorin growled. He ignored Dwalin as the warrior sighed.

"Because you're standing here and arguing with me," his friend put bluntly. That sobered Thorin. He could not afford to waste time, not with his nephews in the hands of the only creatures he hated more than elves. The only creatures that he knew were capable of taking a man right to the brink and pushing him off wholeheartedly without a second thought.

"Then let us get moving," he stated, starting forward again, strides long and meaningful. Dwalin followed, knowing better than to ask his leader to think through a plan first. The rest of the company struggled to keep up, already exhausted from days of searching for their two missing, now known to be captured, brethren.

The pair had been sent scouting ahead and when they had not returned for a while, everyone save the burglar and Ori had given it no second thought other than a mild annoyance. The two brothers were young and prone to pranks and distractions, the youngest especially. It was only when a time later Fili and Kili still had not shown up that the rest of them began to grow concerned. And then they had found their weapons, scattered amongst the dead bodies of orcs in what was obviously an abandoned campsite. Suddenly what had happened had started to sink in all too quickly.

"If you don't mind me asking, what is the plan when we find them?" Dwalin knew better than to say 'if' in front of him and for that, Thorin was grateful.

"We go in and get them out of there as fast as possible. No stopping. No distractions. No trying to play hero." The company leader spoke in a voice just as low as his companion's.

What he wouldn't give to destroy each and every one of the vile creatures who had so much as laid a single finger on his two nephews, but, given the circumstances and the most likely condition they would find the pair in, if they found them at all, there was no way that Thorin would allow his two kinsmen to be put at such risk. Revenge could wait, Fili and Kili couldn't.

If anything had happened to them… All he could say was that the next time he met up with a group of orcs, they could kiss their sorry hides goodbye.

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**Alright Tweetzone86, how did I do? That goes for the rest of you too. Please review. (What do you know, they all rhyme - or just about). **


	2. Action

**Alright, don't chew me out for the chapter name. I updated twice in one day! An accomplishment! Enjoy. **

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**Chapter 2: Action**

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The mouth of the cave didn't look at all that foreboding, in fact it looked welcoming in a strange and eerie way. 'Come in', it seemed to say, 'and I won't eat you whole.' Of course, Thorin knew better than to believe whatever the site before him displayed, because, whatever the cave seemed to think, the orcs inside would eat him whole, as well as everyone else who had accompanied him, which would be the rest of the company. If that happened, so much for reclaiming Erebor.

"So we're heading in there?" the company leader could hear their burglar asking. He ignored the small being and turned to Dwalin.

"You and Gloin are coming with me. Too many and we might wake the orcs (which they could hear snoring from their position) and jeopardise this rescue." Thorin turned to Nori. "You're absolutely sure they're in there because if they're not…" Nori nodded his head, knowing how important the assumption that Thorin's two nephews were here was.

"I would be willing to bet my life on it."

That was all Thorin needed to hear.

"The rest of you be prepared to either flee or fight.," he ordered before casting them all a somewhat apprehensive look, "Who knows how this might turn out?"

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Kili was glad the orcs were asleep. He was glad that they could do nothing to them in that state, that they could not force them to do anything to each other. But he was still afraid. Fili was too. He could tell.

Everything ached and, though it was not the fault of his brother, Kili could not help but feel anger and rage. Again, it was not directed towards his brother, more towards the bastards that had done this to them. But even so, his wrath soon abated for he remembered the own rage of the orcish leader. He hoped that he would never have to face such anger again for as long as he lived. Even Thorin's tempers looked tame compared to what he had been faced with.

The young archer longed to reach out to his brother, to whisper a few words so that Fili could reassure him, or he reassure Fili. But he was scared that any such action would result in waking the orcs not on guard, and when the orcs were awake it was never good for them. So he just laid on the ground, in pain and too scared to so much as sit up. Several times he locked gazes with his brother and forced a smile upon his lips, trying desperately to be brave. But inside, he was crumbling away just like a cliff that had been exposed too long to the elements.

He had no idea how much longer he could hold on for; hold on to both life and sanity. He didn't feel like himself anymore and his body had taken just about all the abuse it could.

"Be quiet or they will hear us," an out-of-place voice whispered as the sudden sound of a bone being displaced from the pile of scraps towards the front of the cave. Kili's ears perked at the sound yet he was still wary to lift his head to look. He looked into his brother's eyes though and saw that the blonde was thinking along the same lines. Thorin. They listened for him to speak again just to be sure it was not a cruel joke being played on them by their captors.

"Split up and search every nook and crevice," the voice said again. Kili felt a sense of thrill run through his body. It was definitely his uncle's voice. And he wasn't alone. The brunette struggled to sit up to see better, forgetting his earlier fear as an inquiring sense came over him, and another more childlike feeling. Thorin was here. They were safe.

Fili had to end up helping him into a half sitting position, both wincing at the strain put on their muscles, Kili finally managing to balance on his elbows, leaning against his brother for support. Yet they kept silent for fear of the orcs hearing them . Or at least Kili did. As three dark silhouettes moved progressively towards them Fili called out in a low voice.

"Thorin. Over here." A few sleeping forms stirred at the words but none awakened. The guards were curiously out of sight. All three shadows turned to him.

"Fili?" was the reply. The blonde smiled in the dark.

"Aye. And Kili."

Thorin moved closer as did his two companions who proved to be Dwalin and Gloin. The dark haired dwarf swore as he saw what had been done to them. Kili stared in wonder at the familiar faces. He managed a small smile, but it was tight with pain. Behind them, the snoring of one orc caught again and silence filled the cave.

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Thorin cursed silently in his head as they all held their breath waiting for the regular breathing of their sleeping foes to start up again. After a few tense moments, it did. They all breathed a sigh of relief.

Focusing back on what were now his priorities, Thorin took in what he could see of his nephews. They looked, for lack of another way to put it, terrible. He needed Oin to look at them and mentally kicked himself for not thinking of bringing the healer in with him. He needed to get them out of here and to him. He needed to do a lot of things, and looking back upon the pair in front of him he felt both relief and anger bubble around in his stomach. But now was not the time for revenge, not with his kinsmen in this condition, and Dwalin and Gloin looking to him for answers.

"Can you walk?" he asked the pair, forcing his brain to co-operate. Fili grimaced but nodded. Kili looked more doubtful. The youth looked like he wanted to say yes, but seemed to be certain that the small task was pretty much beyond him, at least without help. Thorin sent both his nephews a small, reassuring smile, his nerves stating to rub away as his anxiety worsened the longer they tarried in the midst of their enemy.

Without him needing to give the orders, Gloin and Dwalin swooped in to help the lads to stand. Until this time Thorin had not seen their faces nor their reactions. Both seemed to be trying (and pretty much failing) to hold back their shock at what had befallen their companions, their youngest companions. Dwalin in particular was struggling with his rage. But he held it back as did Thorin, both seeing how scared the two lads already were. There was no need for them to see the wrath of a provoked dwarf with them in this state.

Thorin didn't even know what 'this state' was.

Taking a deep breath, he waited for the soft cries that would come from helping the two to stand. To his surprise (though, if he were being honest with himself, it wasn't all that surprising), no such sounds tore from either dwarf's lips. He felt a surge of pride towards them as he began to lead the way out of the orcish camp.

Halfway to the mouth, he paused to turn to see how the others were faring. Gloin was supporting a pain drunk Fili, guiding his path and keeping him steady. Dwalin was behind them half carrying a half fainting Kili. If the orcs woke now, they would be butchered or worse, Thorin reflected. He kept going.

Between the snores if the orcs and the sound of their feet upon the rocky floor, laboured breathing could be heard within the confines of the cave. They all winced as another bone was sent skimming into the wall. Again they waited for their enemy's breathing to regain its usual sleeping pattern, before moving on. Thankfully they made it past the cave and almost to the rest of the company, before anything went wrong.

A small swallow flew past them, flying between Dwalin and Kili's heads, stirring up a breeze as its wings flapped in time to its own beat. The bird landed upon the nose of one sleeping warg, which then flew up in a growling rage. And then it turned its beastly, yellow eyes upon the company.

Not one member of the group dared to breath.

What felt like ages flew by, and they all thought the warg was prepared to lose interest when the same swallow flew right into Ori, making the timid dwarf jump. The warg started barking at the top of its lungs.

"Run!" yelled Thorin, drawing his sword and falling back to help Gloin move Fili faster. Dwalin had hefted Kili up and over his shoulder before breaking into a run, the youth crying out in pain as he did so. Several of the company's tougher members streamed in at the rear, giving both dwarves some cover, quick to run after him and keep in time with the pace.

They kept up their formation for some time; some at the front, some the back, and the wounded in the middle. It was only when they heard the distinct sound of the now wide awake orcs getting closer that Thorin called for them to stop as he formulated a new plan.

Pushing Fili onto Bombur and Ori, he gestured for Bofur to take his other nephew from Dwalin. The youth had not passed out from the bumpy ride, and managed to stand somewhat unsteadily on his feet. The hobbit came to help support him on the side Bofur did not have.

"The rest of you follow me," he said, regarding the seven warriors in front of him and praying they would be enough, "We will have to fight." The others seemed to understand that, in order to give both Fili and Kili a chance to escape, they would have to hold the enemy back for a long enough period of time.

The regal dwarf gave Bilbo and the three others with his nephews a nod wishing them luck before turning with the others to face the oncoming danger. Here was a chance for him to extract his revenge, yet, as the first orcs - a mix between foot soldiers and mounted warriors - ran towards them, he could not help but let his mind stray back to his nephews. They had seemed so…broken back in the cave. It was unnerving.

_They will be fine_, he kept telling himself as he tensed for battle, _they will be perfectly fine_.

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**Review and I WILL update faster. **


	3. Pursued

**And here's the third chapter. Finally figured out were they were (thanks to Tweetzone86). Enjoy. :)**

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**Chapter 3: Pursued**

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Running away, it felt cowardly to say the least. But it did not even make the top ten list of horrific things he had done in the past few days that he had sworn never to do again. Still, if it was between running and being caught by the orcs again, Fili knew there was a clear winner. The act of cowardice would win every single time.

Funny, he would have never run before. But then he hadn't known what he did now. He could only hope the other dwarves would hold their own and that he and Kili could just keep running. Looking over at his brother, and feeling his own intense pain, the blonde knew it would take everything they had, even with two of the company supporting them on either side. And if an orc broke past the defence, then they would most likely die in the process, unable to defend themselves. He might even collapse before then, his probably bruised, if not broken ribs causing his breathing all sorts of grief.

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Thorin inhaled deeply before reopening his eyes and swinging his sword into the thick skull of a warg hindered by Bifur's spear logged in its foot. Both weapons were pulled loose the second the creature stopped twitching.

"Good riddance," he muttered before turning to meet another poorly armoured orc racing towards him.

The two dove at each other, quickly becoming a swamp of flesh as they dogged blows and parried sword strokes with vastly differing abilities. It was clear that Thorin was far superior in his swordsmanship than the orc for it was not long before the head of his opponent came to a sickening halt at the feet of a warg. The beast gave it a passing glance of consideration before sweeping it up into its salivating maw and chomping down a few times before swallowing. This did not seem to concern its rider, who was busy fighting off the fury that was Dwalin.

Thorin began to feel his own rage burn through him and soon he was seeing the red of his anger, the battle, and his enemies' blood all mingled together as one hue of scarlet. They had hurt his boys and by the gods he would make them pay. Nothing would be able to hold him back and he swarmed forward, heading straight for another orc.

The vile being tried to duck the blow, but couldn't quite manage in time. Thorin's sword ran it right through the heart, the dwarf wielding the blade twisting it so that the orc could feel the maximum impact. The orc did not die straight away though, and it grasped the sword protruding from its body, stopping Thorin from pulling his weapon back out as it stumbled backwards. Thorin was dragged with him, using all his might to pull back against the force. In the end he had to make a giant upper cut, cleaving the top half of his opponent completely in half, and not a moment too soon for the maimed body fell backwards over the edge of the cliff, hurtling into the blurry scenes beneath.

Thorin had forgotten they were fighting on a mountainside. Thankfully they were still low enough to be on a relatively large section of ground and not higher up where there were only narrow paths.

_Damn_, he thought, _that was_ too _close_. He couldn't afford to lose himself like that again or to let his guard down.

Retreating back to safer ground, the exiled king joined in the fighting again. He and Dwalin teamed up like they had back in the old days to wreak an unstoppable havoc on the bastards that had caught his nephews. Blow after blow was dealt, him sometimes disabling the orcs to allow the others to kill them, him sometimes finishing them off himself. The wargs had stopped flowing through, but the footmen had not and there was more than enough to go round and sate each company member's hunger for the beings' blood.

The dark haired royal was a living nightmare to all who faced him, on the edge of going berserk, but not yet quite there. Even Oin and Balin took a grim delight in the deaths of their foes, caving in the skulls of every orc within the reach of their deadly weapons. Thorin smiled darkly at this. The orcs deserved everything they got.

_They had thought they were safe_, he remembered, _they had let their guards down a moment in their youth, and now they had experienced who knows what at the hands of these…these…_ Thorin couldn't even find the words to describe them. He could tell by the way the others were shredding the enemy to pieces that they thought the same thing.

There was only one problem, however, in all of this. With all the strength their rage and determination gave them, the orcs just kept coming. There was no stopping them and as Thorin cut through their ranks with ever tiring arms, he realised that the stand-off was about to become a suicide mission.

"Fall back," he yelled to the others, sword still raised as he fended off blow after blow that followed his retreating steps. The others followed suit, Dwalin being pulled back by his older and wiser brother.

A quick glance proved that non had sustained any serious injury, yet if they continued to exchange blows there was no doubt they would. They were a force of eight against an army of tens, may even more than mere tens. They could continue this at another date. Turning, they sheathed their bulkier arms and began to run, having bought enough time for the others.

This was the first time that the six escaped company had crossed his mind and Thorin swore as he looked down, recognising the footprints of foes upon the ground below.

"Hurry!" he yelled, "For it seems we did not stop them all."

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Fili could no longer keep running, having spent all his energy reserves a long while back. Glancing over at his brother, he could seem the same exhaustion etched onto the brunette's face.

"Stop," he said, "I cannot go any further." He allowed his feet to drag, trying to take the weight of his much abused legs.

"We cannot stop though," Ori said with more than a little fear, "Our orders were to get as far as we possibly could away from the fighting."

"And we have," Fili argued back, his face pale and sweating more than it normally would, "But if we go any further, there is no doubt that I will collapse."

""Please," Kili wheezed brokenly, "Can we not stop for just a moment?" To both their dismay Bofur shook his head.

"Sorry lads, but we can't and you know why," the toymaker told them, "We need to keep moving. But we will rest soon."

To Fili this was not good enough. He could scarcely breath and was wheezing just as bad as his brother, if not worse. Every part of him ached and his chest felt as if it had been set on fire and then made to burn at the temperature of a furnace.

"Please," he heard his brother beg again, the archer trying to pull short but being dragged on by both Bofur and Bilbo, their feet flying as if they had sprouted wings. This did no good for Kili promptly fell to the ground in a dead faint straight after. The other five halted in their fleeing.

"This is not the time," the blonde heard Bofur mutter, "So not the time. Come on lad, wake up! None of us can carry you." That much was true. Their strongest dwarves were with Thorin, both Bifur and Dwalin being needed to help fight. Bombur could carry him, but he was having a hard enough time carrying his voluminous weight while running as it was. Bofur could do the same, but being the only real, uninjured warrior among them, he was needed unburdened if they came across any danger.

Fili took the change to slide down to the ground, his own shaky legs no longer able to support him as he watched the others try to figure out what to do. They could not leave Kili there, they would not allow it, but they also could not continue on without finding a way to carrying the oblivious dwarf while allowing Bofur to be free to fight and at least two others to help keep himself going. It was a task with no plausible solution, at least one that did not compromise one or more of the needed factors. The others did show an signs of noticing what he had done besides a quick glance to see if he had collapsed like his brother for they were all buried deep in a debate.

The golden haired prince looked over to Kili, grimacing at the injuries, guilt flooding him once again. He forced himself to look at the young dwarf's face, which appeared to be pale and clamming, probably mimicking his own. His body seemed to be positioned awkwardly, whether it was due to the fall or the fact that he was in pain, Fili did not know, but he did not linger on the fact as he laid eyes on the blood pooling around his brother.

All kinds of anxiety hit him as he watched the scarlet liquid continue to leak from more than several of his brother's reopened wounds. He could feel the same substance trickling down his own hot skin, but ignored it at the pool surrounding the brunette grew larger and larger.

"Bofur!" he cried sharply, gesturing to his brother, "You have got to stop the bleeding!" The dwarf's reaction was like none Fili had ever seen before.

The toymaker and his brother swarmed upon his unconscious brother like vultures swarmed a dead body. Their jackets were already shed as they ripped strips of fabric from both them and the ruins of his brother's tunic and hurriedly bandaged the worst of the wounds. The blonde felt the hobbit and Ori crouch down beside him and he turned to meet their gaze.

"You're bleeding too," Bilbo pointed out. Like he didn't know that already, but he held his tongue, if only out of worry and guilt for his brother's condition, and his own sorry state. Instead, he allowed the worst of his wounds to be bandaged as well, wincing as the cool mountain air bit at his now bare torso and a bout of light headedness took him. None of them realised the several rabid wargs that were currently stalking them, driven into a frenzy by the scent of the vast amounts of fresh blood.

The first of the beasts had jumped, missing Fili a mere finger's breadth and landing in a graceful pose on the other side of him. At the sound of the growling, both Bofur and Bombur turned, drawing their weapons and standing their ground in front of the injured Kili. Bilbo too drew his sword, Ori next to him with his slingshot at the ready and a respectable hunting knife by his side. And then their other hidden foes revealed themselves.

Fili was frustrated as he watched his comrades fight the monsters which so obviously sought him and his brother's blood. They were outmatched, barely able to keep the animals away let alone get close enough to deal a killing blow. So when the rest of the company flew in for the save, Fili almost fainted with relief. He almost fainted point blank, crying out as the hobbit tripped over him, knocked backwards by the warg he had been fighting.

The few wargs which had presented so much of a problem for three armed dwarves and a hobbit fell to pieces against the full force of the rest of the company. It did not take long for each to be maimed beyond recognition, all hit with many differing killing blows.

He watched his uncle look around before sheathing his sword and barking a few fuzzy orders. He watched as Bifur stooped to retrieve his brother and blinked as Dwalin crouched down in front of him. The bald warrior said a few words that Fili struggled to comprehend and a few moments later, the blonde fainted into the dwarf's waiting arms.

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	4. Pain

**Hello again. I hope your happy with the updating. I am trying to get these up as fast as possible. This chapter may be a bit short, but I hope you like it. (Don't ask about the end two views, they may not be that great...)**

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**Chapter 4: Pain**

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"They will be fine," a kindly, somewhat strained voice told him. Thorin turned to glare at his advisor.

"Really?" he asked with no small amount of frustration, "You are doing this to me Balin? There is no way in Mahal that they could be fine after what those bastards put them through." He turned back to where Oin was stooped over his two nephews towards the back of the cave they had found.

The place was a good hiding spot, far enough away from where they had battled and hidden by some of the reasonably plentiful vegetation in the area, but not so much so that they were more or less trapped inside. They had been forced to move down a bit into the thicker part of the forest that took root on the mountainside but it was something that proved to be usual in the end. It was certainly more healthy to treat his wounded kin here than up in the snowy regions of the mountains over which they had been crossing.

"They will heal, Thorin, one way or another," he heard Balin respond. Thorin shook his head.

"But what if they don't?" he said, allowing his broody and pessimistic side of him to take over, "Even if they survive some of their injuries might not heal properly. Durin forbid what might happen if Kili's wrist doesn't, or if the giant gash on Fili's leg weakens it for life, basically crippling him." Balin raised his eyebrows at his leader's attitude. Never the less, he understood the dwarf's distress and set about reassuring him that none of what he said would come to light.

"The break in Kili's wrist is clean," he said almost soothingly, "And Oin said it should heal fine, though it will take a while. And as to the case of Fili's leg not being able to support his weight, I am sure, if that is the case, some prescribed exercise from Oin will strengthen it up once again. It will take time, but there is no doubt they will heal."

"But they have not yet woken," said Thorin in a quiet despair, neither of the talking pair wanting to disturb the company, most of which were either resting or talking quietly amongst themselves.

"Then that is the first millstone they will have to overcome, and it has only been a day," Balin retorted, refusing to be sucked into his friend's negative outlook, "They are of the line of Durin, and are too stubborn not to survive. You should know this," he finished, sending a reprimanding look towards Thorin.

The exiled king shifted as he stole another glance over at the pair, wanting to believe Balin's words, yet his brain rejecting them at the same time. He had lost too many over the years, too many of his own kin to see the situation in any positive light. There were only two courses that this path his nephews were on could take and he knew very well that the likely hood of their passing from this world was more likely than the likely hood of them not.

He heard Balin sigh and get up to move towards his brother, feeling the old dwarf place a comforting hand on his shoulder before striking up an almost whispered conversation with Dwalin who was stationed at the front of the cave. Thorin ignored them and maintained his vigil upon his two nephews, watching as Oin finished off treating their numbering injuries.

They were in a bad condition; there was no other way to put it. Apart from being unconscious, they had both visibly lost weight, not a significant amount, but now he could seek the faint outline on Kili which was concerning, especially up in the mountains where it could grow as cold as ice in a heartbeat. Their faces were pale and sweaty with fever. With less meat on his bones, and in a poorer condition, it seemed to burn worse on Kili than Fili, if that was at all possible. Both brows felt incredibly hot. And then there was their physical wounds and injuries.

Fili bore multiple lacerations, some deep, some glancing, but all taxing in one way or another and all contributing to the vast amount of blood he had lost. Around half had had to be sown up and altogether he had around sixty to eighty stiches in him; Thorin had lost count after the twenty-fifth. Several of his injuries were particularly concerning, the deep slice in his left leg being one. It had been cut from halfway down the back of his lower leg, continuing up through the fleshy part and stopping just shy of his knee. With a wound like that, it had been amazing that he could run at all. Besides this, another long slash had ripped through his back, though it was thankfully fairly shallow and had missed his spine by a breathtakingly small amount. The company healer was pretty sure several of his fingers were fractured, looking as if though they had been stamped on, and he had also been informed of several bruised ribs and a few cracked ones, though Oin was pretty sure none had punctured the blonde's lungs. None of this did anything to reassure Thorin of Fili's recovery, and the fact that Kili was in much the same state set the dwarfish leader's nerves on edge.

The brunette injuries were just about as bad as his brothers, receiving around the same amount of cuts and bruises to his entire body. Both he and his brother had not succumbed to death through blood loss, Oin had told him, because the wounds had scabbed up and closed over throughout their stay with the orcs, the injuries spread about evenly over the number of days. They had only lost so much blood when they collapsed because the running had reopened them. But right now, to Thorin, an excess amount of blood loss was an excess amount of blood loss no matter the way it had come about. And then there was Kili's other wounds.

The young dwarf, besides having a broken wrist, Kili also had, like his brother, bruised ribs. Several more of his were cracked, two completely broken. It was a miracle none of his had pierced his lungs, with the record that broken ribs had amongst those afflicted with them. As was the case with both of them, their breathing seemed rather shallow. Kili also seemed to have more vicious lacerations than his brother, though his hands had been avoided any injury, save for the broken wrist. Bruising mottled his chest and stomach, and one eye had been swelled shut, blackened by what looked like a harsh blow. His face though, and the expression upon it, spoke of wounds deeper than skin deep. Once again Thorin found himself wishing he had known had happened to them and how much he had been responsible for it.

* * *

_The darkness in his head was confusing, that was all Kili could say. He had no idea where his brother was, or even where he was. All he could think of were orcs and wargs, bloodied knives and whispered words, and most of all pain upon pain upon pain. It was like he was lost in a sea of agony, with no bearings to help guide his way. The sail of his mid was torn and the wind of his suffering was mighty, as were the waves of his fear and doubt. He was stranded out in an ocean of oblivion, and he was alone. Alone and afraid. What he wouldn't give to have his brother by his side._

* * *

_Fili could feel the presence of others around him, yet he could not decipher whether they were friend or foe. He assumed they meant well for why else would they be helping to alleviate some of his pain? Still, it was frustrating not being able to really know what was going on. He could just sense something around him, but could not rise himself enough to open his eyes and see what the something was._

_The blonde laid there for who knew how long, eyes refusing to open, body refusing to budge. Dark memories stirred on the edges of his mind, but for now they were held back by another darkness clouding his mind and fogging up his thoughts. Still, it seemed to serve as some type of pain relief, and for that, Fili was glad._

_"They'll be fine," he could hear someone saying, "The lads are stronger than most give them credit for, especially you." The prince had no idea what the words meant._

_There was some more murmuring from a familiar, soothing voice that he could not place._

_"Patience," he could hear the first speaker saying again, "They will wake when their bodies allow them." Fili had a feeling that 'they' included him._

_Absently he wondered where his brother was, wanting Kili by his side, yet relishing in the sort of peace he felt now. Still, he was confused. The blonde was sure he was not with the orcs, yet he wondered, if he was not with them, who was he with?_

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**Alright, let's get it right this time *Glares at Tweetzone86* No more laughing at me. ;) **

**Review. Review! REVIEW! There's a button there for a reason.**


	5. Yearning

**Sorry, would have updated yesterday but I didn't have time to write. I should be able to update again tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy. Would have done longer (and better) points of view but right now I'm only half here.**

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**Chapter 5: Yearning**

* * *

_Today will be a good day_, Thorin told himself, trying to convince himself that his nephews would be fine and would wake sometime that day. His mind was not fooled, however.

Both were still wrapped in a slumber, though not a peaceful one by a long shot. Looking at their cracked lips, he knew this was not good. They needed to get water into them, but could not until they were awake. The pair needed food also, but not as urgently as they needed water. Still, it would ease Thorin's mind when they put back on an extra amount of weight. They would need it up here in the mountains. Already they had seen frost settling over several of the plants that morning, though not enough to cause concern for it was gone as soon as it had come.

Stretching his fingers, and wincing as his stiff legs protested him shifting positions beside the two unconscious boys, Thorin stared down at the blonde, thinking hard. He was itching to do something, anything productive, yet he wanted to be there for when they woke up, for they would wake up. They had to.

The dwarf changed the wet cloth on the blonde's head, trying to bring down the fever that had come from his infected wounds. Then he done the same to Kili. Both fevers had dropped overnight, but they were still astonishingly high. Every member of the company worried for them.

* * *

_Kili had always been scared of the dark, though he had far more tolerance for it now than he had when he was little. Or had had more tolerance anyway. Now he was just as scared of the dark as before, because now he knew the truth of what lurked in it. And the same thing lurked here, not in body, but in nightmares, haunting him every moment he remained trapped inside the storm of his mind._

_He had been a fool to dismiss so rashly the fears of his childhood, for did not a child often know better than an adult about things like this? That the stories that their overactive imaginations conjured up held a grain of the truth of the matter? The philosophy hurt his already throbbing head even more however, and the young brunette allowed his thoughts to be lost once again to the waves of pain crashing against the fragile boat that held safe the last of his sanity, the fragile boat with a n alarmingly cracked hull._

_Evil voices laughed in the dark, some familiar, some not so much, all sending chills down Kili's already chilled spine._

* * *

Thorin started when Kili began to move, twitching every now and then, and scrunching his face up in an almost perfect expression of sheer terror. Thorin took his less injured shoulder and shook lightly, careful not to disrupt the boy's ribs in any way. He called out softly to his distressed nephew so as not to disturb the others, though few remained in the cave, most going out hunting or to spare. Dwarves could only stay stationary for so long.

The exiled king called the dwarf's name again, begging him to open his eyes as the twitching increased. Oin turned in his sleep, but did not wake from his nap, and Dwalin shot him a passing glance, but passed no judgement and turned back to watch the front of the cave. Kili did not respond, eyes flickering rapidly, but staying hidden behind his eyelids. Thorin felt frustration welling up inside of him, especially as Kili's expression refused to abate and his eyes continually refused to open. And then the archer calmed.

Thorin sat back upon his heels with a sigh, feeling the lad's head for his fever. It was just as high as before which was disheartening.

Turning back to Fili, the exiled king tested his fever too. It seemed slightly lower than it had the last time he checked, but then again, it could just be his mind playing tricks on him. He wanted it to be true though.

Sighing, he began to change the cloths on their brows, tired, worried, and physically and emotionally exhausted.

* * *

_Fili wasn't sure when he realised that it was his uncle above him, but maybe the soft murmuring helped. He could recongise the dwarf's voice through the blaze in his mind. He also recognised another voice above him, that of Oin as he talked to Thorin about a particular situation of concern._

"I would hope that they're fevers break soon," _the blonde could hear the healer saying through the darkness. His uncle grunted a reply, seeming to agree. He felt a cool object laid on his brow, and sighed to himself in his mind as the voices fell into silence. He could just feel everything around him, yet he could not summon up the strength to push through the murkiness holding him back. He tried though, of how he tried. He just could not break free._

* * *

Sitting with Dwalin, Thorin stared out at the lush forest and bare floor surrounding them. He had been in a gloomy mood ever since Oin had made his routine inspection of his two nephews. Nothing much had changed, and he would be lying if he said that he wasn't worried they would never wake.

"Seems like the cold is coming down from the top of the mountains," Dwalin observed, breaking the silence that had filled the void between them. The exiled king grunted in response.

Behind them, in the cave, the rest of the company went about their business, Bombur cooking the fruits of the successful hunting trip and Bofur telling jokes to amuse the hobbit. As he looked upon the rest of the company, Thorin felt strangely detached from the scene. And the scene itself seemed strangely out of place, with it missing two of the dwarves who had given it such life. Or not so much missing, Thorin amended in his head, for the two were still there, only absent in consciousness in the cave; their bodies were both there.

"What if they don't wake?" Thorin said after a long while of contemplation, quietly voicing his fear to himself. He missed their smiles and their laughing. He even missed their annoying antics which had often frustrated him to no end. He could feel Dwalin staring at him and looked up to meet his old friend's gaze. The older warrior stared sympathetically back at him, seeming to know what was going on inside of Thorin's head.

"I don't think you'll let them have the choice," he responded, proving that he had been listening to his own king talking to himself. Thorin did not find comfort in the warrior's words.

"I've never thought that the journey would result in this," he said, leaning forward as he placed his hands in his head, "There would be casualties, but never would I have imagined Fili and Kili. They are so young; it breaks my spirit to see them like this." It was not something that Thorin would tell anyone else, and something that Dwalin would take to his grave. The taller of the two sighed.

"I think it breaks us all," he murmured, looking upon the stilled bodies towards the back of the cave.

* * *

_Abandoned, Kili wondered where his brother had went, why the blonde had abandoned him. He rubbed his bloodstained hands across his brow, wiping from it the sweat that had come with the exertion of taking down his opponent. It had been a tough fight, the violence almost unthinkable as the two had exchanged blows. But he had got the upper hand, just as he had the last dozen times he had fought the being._

_The archer winced as he put weight onto his already abused legs. He shifted positions, turning in a full circle in an attempt to spot the form of his brother. And then he looked down. Fili laid at his feet, eyes containing a ghastly empty look, face slack and pale. A sword protruded from his middle, Kili's sword having been left there after dealing the killing blow._

_Kili's world came crashing down around his feet as he realised what he had done. He stumbled backwards in a mix of disgust and horror away from the body, and the vultures that had been circling the black sky before, swooped down and enclosed Fili's rapidly decaying body in a circle of bloodthirsty hunger._

The brunette's eyes flew open as he screamed.

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**Review please. And thanks to those who already have. And a special thanks to those who do it regularly.**


	6. Broken

**I had to restart this chapter about ten times. Still not overly happy with it, so enjoy.**

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**Chapter 6: Broken**

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Kili could dimly hear a familiar, reassuring voice speak to him through the haze of pain and his almost deafening screaming. Tears all but streaming down his face in horror of what he had seen in his coma induced dream, he latched onto the words spoken as if they were a lifeline provided solely for him to drag himself away from the clutches of nightmarish vision he had experienced.

"That's it, lad, you're okay," the voice continued as his screaming began to die down, speaking softly so as to guide him back to its source. Kili allowed it to do just that, its tone stripping away the confusion, fear, and repulsiveness he felt, leaving only pain and a strange emptiness in its place. He cried out in agony, the pain increasing in amount as everything else slipped away.

"Oin, give him something for the pain," the voice yelled. Kili moaned again, the loudness of the talking around him not boding well with his throbbing head. He shut his eyes in a grimace before being coaxed back into opening them again by the being who the voice belonged to. He looked up to find himself staring straight into the smoky blue eyes of Thorin Oakenshield.

"Here, help lift his head," said the company healer, bustling up to the pair holding a small mug filled with a liquid that Kili could not see.

The young dwarf blinked owlishly up at his uncle before groaning as another wave of pain hit him, shooting up through his body like a wildfire. Thorin murmured a few comforting words in his ear as he lifted the youth's head. Oin placed the cup to his lips.

"Drink," he said, "It will help with the pain."

Kili obeyed, all of it seeming like a dream. And maybe it was. Maybe he and Fili had never escaped the orcs and he was still in that cave, experiencing a delusion due to blood loss, infection, or some other thing that came hand in hand with an excessive amount of injuries and open wounds. But the pain was beginning to fade somewhat, and even if this was just a dream, that was good. Maybe.

The young archer felt his head being lowered back down so that he was completely flat once again. He closed his eyes for a brief time and then opened them again, finding almost every face of the company in front of his own. He didn't see Fili's though, and he suddenly realised that this was not a dream, for if it were, Fili would have been the one to greet him, not their uncle. So, if they had been rescued by the company, where was his brother?

"Fili?" he half-whispered in a croaky voice. He found his head being lifted again and another cup being pressed against his lips, filled with water this time. He drank gratefully, and once he had finished, closed his eyes and allowed the cool liquid to sooth his sore throat. He felt tired and worn out and he struggled to reopen his heavy lidded eyes, not wanting to fall asleep. "Fili?" he murmured again, a desperate tone beginning to colour his voice.

"Fili's fine," Thorin reassured him, "He is just sleeping at the moment." Kili couldn't tell if his uncle was lying or not; his brain was too fried to pick up on anything at the moment.

"Hurts," he murmured as a wave of pain washed through him yet again. He could not tell where it was coming from, but he did acknowledge it was not as great as before. Whatever Oin had gave him had worked.

"I know lad," Thorin said, again speaking in a gentle tone that Kili rarely heard from him now days and running a hand soothingly through his tangled brown hair, "But don't try to fight the sleep. You need to rest."

Kili heard his uncle's words, though they became more and more faded as he obeyed the exiled king's wishes and allowed himself to be taken by sleep.

* * *

_Alright then, where in Durin's name am I? _Fili asked himself, peeling his eyes open for the first time in days. He then groaned as a reminder of his injuries flooded his system.

"He's awake," he heard a voice he recognised call.

The blonde struggled to lift up his head to see what was happening, but let it flop down with another groan, black spots appearing before his eyes as the world swam almost sickeningly.

"I would stay still for the time being, laddie," Bofur said from above him, his relieved and smiling face peering down at the invalid dwarf. Fili frowned.

"Where am I?" he asked, clenching his teeth as some strange force increased its hammering inside his head. He watched Bofur quickly mouth something to someone outside of his range of vision, before returning to grinning down back at him.

"In a cave somewhere in the Misty Mountains," he answered, before moving over to allow Thorin to take his place beside the youth's head.

"And Kili?" As always, his thoughts went straight to his brother.

"Kili is fine," Thorin assured him.

"Can I speak to him?"

Thorin smiled and shook his head at the question.

"He is sleeping at the moment, but when he wakes again I am sure he will want to speak to you," Fili heard him answer.

"Can I see him then?" he asked, trying to shift his head so that he could see around the cave.

"Very well," Thorin relented, "I'll help lift you up, but first you need to drink what Oin has prepared for you." The company healer replaced Bofur by his uncle's side, a small mug held carefully in his hands.

Fili allowed Thorin to carefully lift his head, and Oin to place the cup to his lips and tip the medicine slowly into his mouth. He swallowed without complaint knowing the sooner he got this over with the sooner he could see that his brother was alright. Oin shifted away again to gather the items he needed to change the blonde's bandages. Fili ignored this and focused his attention back on his uncle.

"And now Kili."

Thorin nodded his head slowly, and lifted Fili up a bit more, before turning him slightly to the side. The blonde ignored how this burned his chest and head an focused on the sight in front of him. He sighed inwardly in relief as his sleeping brother twitched in his sleep. Thorin began to lower him back down.

"See, he's fine," the dark haired dwarf reinformed him. Fili nodded, beginning to feel somewhat drowsy. But he was too tired to be alarmed and soon enough he had fallen fast asleep.

* * *

"Well, they both woke which is a good thing."

Thorin mumbled his agreement as he watched Bofur assist in helping Oin to redress and bandage both his nephew's wounds. Kili's head tossed around a bit, and Fili cried out once or twice in his sleep, but other than that nothing much had happened since they had both fallen victim to Oin's sleeping drug.

"You don't seem to be as happy as I thought you would be," Dwalin continued, his brow creased with a slight concern for his leader. Thorin's own frown remained as he continued to watch his kinsman.

"They don't seem like themselves, Dwalin," he said softly, not wanting to draw attention from the others. Dwalin face suddenly fell telling Thorin that the old warrior shared his concerns.

"I know what you mean," he said, "It was in their eyes that you could see it, that some part of them is missing-"

"Or broken," Thorin finished reluctantly. Dwalin grimaced.

"With what they've been through, what can you expect?" he asked. Thorin did not answer, rather shooting Oin a questioning glance as the company healer began to finish up. The half deaf dwarf gave a small shake of his head, meaning that he had no idea what was wrong mentally with the pair. They would have to wait until the two woke again to determine the emotionally traumatic damage that had been done to them in their time as captives.

Thorin again felt guilt well up inside of him, feeling their pain as his own. He had been the one to send them scouting ahead, and he had been the one to realise too late the dangers of doing just that.

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**Review and tell me what you think.**


	7. Estranged

**The chapter might not fit, and the chapter as a whole may be flawed, but at least it is up (it's so hard to write something that is good). Enjoy. **

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**Chapter 7: Estranged**

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_Snick, snick, snick. _

_He had thought he had escaped the cutting blades. That they could hurt him no more._

_Snick, snick, snick._

_Obviously he had been wrong, or else he would not be laying here, trapped upon a cold stone floor._

_Snick, snick, snick._

_All he could do was groan and moan as they took a vicious delight in maiming him._

_Snick, snick, snick._

_Cutting through skin, flesh, and bone to coax the most intoxicating of sounds of terror from his lips._

_Snick, snick, snick._

_Never stopping, never ending, no matter how much he begged and pleaded with his tormentors._

_Snick, snick, snick._

_And here he was, all alone, his brother, his uncle swallowed up by the darkness around him._

_Snick, snick, snick._

_And Mahal, he would be lying if he said he wasn't afraid._

* * *

"Hush lad, it was only a dream."

Thorin's voice did nothing to reassure him that the things he had seen in his mind were not real, for they had been real not so long ago. He had been pinned down and used as a stone was used to sharpen knives. He had been subjected to terror, guilt, fear, agony, and numerous other unnameable feelings as he had laid, pinned there, or, in the reserve scenarios, he had been the one doing the pinning down. There was nothing that could erase the scars of such experiences from him.

Fingers carded through his hair gently, soothing his shaking body and equally shaky resolve. His tears had abated somewhat, with only one or two trickling down the sides of his beardless face at any given time. He could still hear the 'snick, snick, snick' from his dreams and he shuddered involuntarily.

"Come now, it would not bode well with your brother to see you like this should he wake."

And Fili. He knew Fili too had experienced the same things as him, had felt the same emotions as he had. If there was anyone who could understand what he was feeling at that moment, it was Fili. But even he could not feel as bad as this.

"Where is my brother?" Kili asked with dry lips, tired, worried, wound up, and hurting all at the same time. He watched with wary brown eyes as his uncle sighed.

"He is near you, sleeping. We had to give you both some space while the pair of you healed enough to wake up," was the answer the young archer received.

"Is he alright?" the youth asked after he had absorbed this information.

"He is…healing," Thorin replied, the slight pause when he had made when he spoke causing a small bubble of an almost panicked concern welling up inside of Kili.

"Can I speak to him?" he asked quickly.

"Only if you want to wake him," Thorin answered, "And I would not advise doing so. He needs the rest just as you do."

"Then I shall wait until he wakes." Kili's words were final as he ignored the subtle hint his uncle had sent him.

* * *

Thorin watched as his older nephew stirred, the moonlight seeping into the cave the company had taken up temporary residence in casting shadows on the ten other sleeping dwarves and a hobbit. Fili's golden hair glinted in the dim, white light, framing his still pale and drawn face. It would be fair to say the dwarf had aged in the weeks that he had been held captive. They both had.

"Fili," the dark haired dwarf heard his other nephew call from across his other side. The brunette's upper torso was propped up slightly against a blanket covered pack which served in the place of an actual pillow allowing him to see across his uncle's lap.

"Hmm?" the older brother responded, still half asleep and more than half drugged from Oin's bitter-tasting mixture.

"Your brother wants to talk to you," Thorin supplied, staring at his nephew with eyes that seemed to pick up on every little detail, including how the blonde, like his brother, appeared to still be carrying a slight fever.

"Kili?" his heir asked immediately, lifting his head so he could catch a glimpse of his brother before letting it fall back down, "Are you hurt?"

"I'm not dying, if that's what you mean," the youth replied, "What about you?"

Thorin could detect a hint of something lurking underneath his nephew's tone, just out of sight; obviously something he wanted to speak to Fili about alone. Again Thorin felt a strong urge to find out the exact details of what had happened surge through him. It was frustrating not knowing what was, or had been going on in his nephews' heads.

"Sore," Fili admitted in answer. He paused. "It would be better if I could see you myself; if you were next to me," the blonde said, shooting a look at his uncle. Thorin acknowledged it with a nod, the same as he acknowledged something else buried in his nephew's eyes; a worry that was out of place for someone so young.

"I see no foreseeable problem with a setup like that, but I'll wake Oin just to be sure," Thorin said, "And he can check over the two of you while he's at it."

True to his word, the exiled king did wake the company healer, asking him in a quiet voice whether it would be okay to move at least one of the two. Oin gave the go ahead, and, with the help of Bifur who was on guard duty, the three uninjured dwarves managed to move Fili next to his brown haired brother. Both of their faces lit up before falling as they regarded each other's various wounds. Thorin watched as Fili also took in his brother's still somewhat scared state, though the two did not say anything until the others had moved away, leaving only Thorin in earshot, and he had to strain to hear them himself.

"Are you alrigh-"

"What do you think?" Kili asked bitterly, cutting his brother off in midsentence, "After what happened?"

Fili shifted uncomfortably, his gaze suddenly dropping from his brother's.

"Kili, I'm-"

"No, don't start," said the brunette, again interrupting softly, "I know, just as you know, that we didn't really have much of a choice, did we?" Kili's voice cracked a bit at the end of the sentence, and Fili covered his brother's free hand with his own un-splinted one. He paused for a few moments before finally finding the words he wanted.

"Have you been-"

"Seeing them? What happened?"

Fili nodded mutely and it was Kili's turn to lower his eyes.

"Every time I close my eyes," the young archer said with a voice toned with both reluctance and resignation.

Thorin felt like he was listening in on a very private conversation, and he was. Yet it was hard for him to close his ears to the troubles of his youngest kin. He watched as Oin bustled over to the pair and withheld a sudden flow of emotion that ran through him.

"Alright," he could hear the healer saying, "I need you both to do as I ask." And then the old dwarf began to rattle of a list of instructions to be followed and questions to be answered. They both still had a slight fever, which Thorin already knew, and their pain was starting to pick up again, so Oin had them take some more of the blend he had created earlier. He lowered Kili back to the ground and made his way towards Thorin as the dark haired dwarf watched his two nephews drift off to sleep, seemingly more relaxed in each other's presence.

"How are they?" the company leader heard himself asking, though he already knew the answer. Oin grimaced.

"They have a long way to go yet," he replied, not one for giving false hopes or a negative condition a more positive outlook.

Thorin sighed and wearily put his head in his hands, glancing back over at the now prone figures of the injured dwarves. Nothing like this should have ever happened.

"You should get some rest."

Oin's words buzzed around his head like an annoying fly, and Thorin recognised some wisdom to them. Tired, he could do nothing to help Fili and Kili, yet sleep seemed to evade him at this current point in time. Instead, he watched as Oin went to relieve Bifur now that he was fully awake, giving the other dwarf a chance to catch some shut eye before dawn. Not that they would be going anywhere the next day. Not that they could.

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**Review. Please. They might help me if I get stuck again. **

**And for those of you who are thinking it, there may or may not be more interactions with the rest of the company - I need to think about it. **


	8. Laments

**Hello to all my readers out there (I run out of greetings to use). So, this is the next chapter, and there may not be much company interaction related to Fili and Kili, but most of it is in Bilbo's view. The story should pick up next chapter, so for now, just bear with me. **

* * *

**Chapter 8: Laments**

* * *

Bilbo watched as the rest of the company stirred. Oin seemed to have replaced Bifur on guard and had retired to his bedroll to doze for a while. Thorin too was sleeping, finally, so everyone just left him where he was, as they did his two resting nephews. Needing to stretch his legs, Bilbo decided to step out of the cave for and walk around for a bit.

_Ah, that feels good_, he said to himself as he stretched his arms up towards the sky. His thoughts then turned in another, more unsavoury topic.

When Bilbo had agreed to come along on the quest, he had been told of the dangers. He had been told that he might not come back as the same hobbit. He had been told that he might not come back at all. Yet he had not truly realised the extent of the danger the journey had to offer, not even when they had last faced the orcs or had been caught by the trolls.

This was on a whole new level.

Bilbo was not the bravest of the company, for hobbits were not overly brave beings. However, he was not afraid to try and hold his own when the time called for it. But when it was something that was just…so…evil... Bilbo shuddered, unable to even think about what had befallen the two youngest of the company. And they had been trained to be warriors. The odds were not looking well in his favour.

The company, with the exception of Oin, had left Fili and Kili relatively alone, all unsure what to do in such circumstances, even Balin who was by far the oldest and most experienced of the group. Oin had warned them all not to ask too many questions until the two dwarves had regained some of their former strength, yet it seemed painfully clear that they were not the same two easy going dwarves who had turned up on his doorstep back in the Shire.

They all heard the tortured cries of Kili and saw the pained, wary expressions worn across both their faces. Fili had grown especially good at crafting his face into a blank mask in the time he had been missing, and Bilbo often found himself wondering what had transpired in the period of time they had been held by the orcs. He remembered what Kili had said about their ruthlessness and found himself believing the brunette's words more and more each day he laid eyes upon the archer and his brother.

"You stay brooding for long enough and you'll turn into Thorin," a voice pipped up from beside him, drawing the hobbit out of the daze that he had been drifting in a while. Bilbo turned to acknowledge Bofur beside him.

"I wasn't brooding, just…thinking," the small being replied. Bofur knew better than to ask what the hobbit had been thinking about.

"Ah, well, there's nothing much any of us can do," he said, looking back towards the mouth of the cave, voice lacking its usual cheerful tone.

The two stayed in silence for some time, both buried deep in thoughts that were better left unmentioned least they should further darken the already dark mood that surrounded the company. Bofur provided some comfort to the hobbit however, unknowing as he might be smoking his pipe. The act was just so…normal after everything that had happened.

After a while, Bombur ambled out of the cave, walking towards them with his vast weight hoisted in an almost inspiring way. He yawned and took up a position beside his brother on the rock the latter was perched upon.

"Who's cooking breakfast?" Bofur asked as soon as his brother was settled. Bombur grimaced.

"Gloin offered to, but Dori insisted that he cook," the round dwarf informed the pair before him.

"Lucky too," Bofur remarked to the air, "Gloin might be a good warrior and just as good with numbers, but his cooking skills leave something to be desired."

Bilbo, having not tasted the ginger bearded dwarf's cooking had nothing to input into the conversation. But, if what the others said was true, he was better off that way. According to just about all the company, Gloin's culinary skills were second only to Dwalin's.

"Thorin awake?" Bofur asked, drawing Bilbo back into the discussion between the two dwarves beside him. He watched as Bombur shook his head.

"Still dead to the world when I came out here," Bombur answered.

"Better off that way," Bofur commented, "He's been too strung up worrying about the lads and the orcs that got away. Not to mention the deadline for reaching Erebor and the fact that our esteemed wizard has abandoned us yet again. What do you think?" the toymaker finished, turning to face the hobbit. Bilbo felt taken aback.

"I think he's just concerned for the wellbeing of his nephews, for, from what I've heard, they are the only kin he has left," he said, somewhat uncomfortable with voicing his thoughts on the company leader. He could feel the friction between the two of them, as he was sure the rest of the company could feel as well.

"Aye, that is true. They are the last of his real family he has got besides their mother, his sister, back in mountains," Bofur acknowledged.

"They'll be fine," Bombur said, suddenly speaking up, "I doubt Thorin will allow them to just give up. And besides, this is Fili and Kili we are talking about." It sounded like wishful thinking to Bilbo.

"I don't know," Bofur said, doubtful of his brother's words, "They are young and nowhere near having the capability that Thorin or even Nori have for dealing with being in such circumstances. We don't even know for sure what happened to them." Bombur frowned at his brother.

"It's unlike you to be so negative," he stated and Bilbo had to agree. Bofur was usually the one cracking jokes along with Fili and Kili, and was one of the most self-assured dwarves on the quest, or at least from what Bilbo could tell. The toymaker was already to make the other's laugh, whether it be at his expense or another's.

"What's the point of lightening a situation as hopeless as this?" Bofur shot back. Now it was Bilbo's turn to frown.

"Surely it is not as hopeless as you are making it out to be?" he asked. The toymaker just shook his head.

"You will find," he said finally, "That in these scenarios, expecting the worst generally means that you are not crushed at the end when they don't meet your expectations."

* * *

_Drowning in a sea of his own inner torment; a fitting way to go, what with the guilt he was feeling deep inside himself at that moment, and for good reason too. The injuries that his brother had received had been caused by him. The broken ribs; his doing. The jagged incisions going deep into his brother's skin; his own hands had wielded the weapon that had caused the wounds. The excuse that he had no choice, that Kili had too been forced to maim his own flesh and blood did not excuse the fact that he had hurt his little brother._

_He had _hurt his_ little brother. _

_Hadn't he sworn to keep any and all harm from befalling the very same dwarf? Some promise that was if he had broken by actually hurting his sibling. _

_Kili had told him not to worry, or had said as much anyway, not using those exact words. He forgave his brother, yet Fili did not forgive himself. He didn't know if he could, not after what he had done, and the memories only grew stronger as he slept._

_"Please," he could remember hearing his brother whisper in between broken sobs. He could remember his own anguish as he was forced to ignore his brother's words. If the archer never spoke to him again, he would understand completely. But Kili had forgiven him. Now that, Fili did not understand. He had failed his brother, and yet the same dwarf bore no grudge against him. Such were the miracles of life. _

_A familiar, comforting presence beside Fili relaxed the blonde, and helped to banish some of the darker thoughts floating around in his mind. They were still there, but, for the time being, were hung back at the edge of his conscience allowing_ _a more peaceful oblivion to take over the dwarf's mind. _

_And so it was that the dwarf drifted into a more pleasant sleep._

* * *

**The thing mentioned in Fili's dream/thoughts (not sure what to call it) was part of the prompt, so don't grill me for it please.**

**REVIEW!**


	9. Admission

**Sorry for the long update, but I needed to think this out and, to be frank, have not had time to write properly until now. In any case, here it is. Hopefully it will bring to light some things mentioned in past chapters (and again, was part of the prompt).**

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**Chapter 9: Admission**

* * *

Oin bit his lip, unsure of whether or not to disturb the small amount of supposed peace their company leader had found. The dark haired and somewhat broody dwarf was sitting outside the cave, watching the setting sun, deep in thought like always, especially since there was nothing real productive that he could do. Still, he needed to be told. Oin could not keep this from his king any longer.

Or maybe he could. Just until he saw to it that the two lads who were only now stirring awake were still fine, and their health still on the up and not the down. Sighing, he made up his mind.

"Bofur, come and help me, will you," he said, gesturing for the dwarf to make his way over to the two lads. Oin soon followed the toymaker, having collected the few things he needed to change the dwarves' bandages.

Fili was the first to wake fully, he breathing slightly agitated and gasping, as if he had just escaped the grasps of a nightmare. Oin would not be surprised if he had, with what both he and his brother had been through.

"Alright lad, I'm just going to change your bandages and make sure that everything's as it should be. Bofur will lift you."

He watched as the blonde gave him a look.

"Can I try it myself?" he asked. The healer eyed him warily.

"I'm not sure if that's the best id-"

"Please, let me just try." There was something in the lad's eyes that made Oin finally relent.

"Fine, but if I think you are pushing yourself too hard, I will have Bofur intervene," he said sternly. The toymaker grunted in agreement.

"We can't have you furthering injuring yourself when you have only just begun to heal. We need you and your brother's cheerful attitude towards this quest so the rest of us don't get bunked down in misery during the journey."

Both dwarves watched as Fili barely held back a frown and stinging words, something dark coming to the forefront of his blue eyes which had suddenly turned like ice at Bofur's words. The two older dwarves shared a quick and indecipherable glance before turning back to the heir of Durin.

"Your fever seems to have almost completely disappeared," said Oin, opting to ignore what he had seen and pretend that it had never happened. Bofur seemed eager to do the same, though his eyes betrayed his concern.

"Well, you going to sit up at all laddie?" he asked in a voice that sounded slightly forced. A short look of reluctance crossed the blonde dwarf's face, before he set it in a mask of determination and nodded, gritting his teeth.

Fili placed his hands flat on the ground on either side of him, palms faced down as the muscles in his arms visibly strained as he struggled to lift himself into a more upright position. It took several attempts, but finally the blonde managed to work through the pain and muster up the strength to do just what he had refused to let Bofur do for him.

He sat up.

Sure he was panting heavily, and to Oin he looked slightly faint, but it was a start. It was a definite sign that he was healing, and it did wonders to relive all the worries that the company physician held within him.

"Well done," he said, a small smile spread across his face. Bofur too seemed to be radiating a more positive aura around him at the youth's success. Even Fili managed a small tweak at the lips.

Beside the three, a pair of brown eyes snapped open, the terror in them disappearing unnoticed as Kili caught a glimpse at his brother. He smiled and curled his good hand into a fist, poking his brother with one finger.

"You could've woken me so I could see you accomplish it, rather than just the accomplishment," he said lightly. It appeared that the joyful mood was rubbing off on him as well.

"Do you want to try?" Oin asked the young dwarf, only slightly disappointed when the brunette winced and shook his head, "Well, Bofur will help you sit once I have finished with your brother."

The healer then set back to work, brow creased in concentration. Unwinding the bandages around one of Fili's arms, Oin nodded to himself.

"Some of these stiches can come out," he informed his patient. Fili just nodded mutely, focused on his brother and seemingly communicating to the archer though his eyes.

Oin thought nothing of it and asked Bofur to hold several pieces of equipment that he required as he removed several stiches from what had been some of Fili's less worrying wounds. He checked the gash on the blonde's leg next and was pleased that it seemed to be healing well. Again he marvelled over how it stopped just short of the dwarf's actual knee. This thought process brought along other, more concerning ideas and the old dwarf busied himself in his work to shut them out. He did not need to deal with them now, especially not in front of Fili and Kili.

Once he had finished the first brother, he started on the second who was propped up with the help of Bofur. The brunette was still feverish, but only slightly, and his wounds, like his brother's, were healing. All in all, things were looking up.

"Now, I am assuming you're both hungry," he said. Both bobbed their heads in unison.

"I'll get them some of the broth," Bofur offered, standing. Oin waited until he had returned with two steaming bowls before he stood to leave himself.

"I have matters I must discuss with your uncle," he said upon the questioning looks he received, "But make sure you eat as much as you can." He smiled down at the pair and Bofur one last time before making his way over to his exiled king.

"Oin," the dark haired dwarf said as a way of greeting, "Does something trouble you?"

The healer sighed, sitting next to Thorin and staring out into nothing.

"Aye, something does indeed lurk in my mind," he acknowledged. The company leader did not turn to face him.

"Are you going to depart with those thoughts then?" he asked. Oin sighed in response.

"That is why I came to you."

Now he had Thorin's full attention.

"Is it my nephews?" he asked, a small speck of panic present in his eyes, "Is something wrong?"

"In a way," Oin admitted. Thorin was frustrated with the healer's lack of explanation.

"Are you going to tell me what is go-"

"I do not believe all their given wounds were made by the hands of an orc," Oin stated, causing Thorin to clam up immediately. The company leader sat a while before allowing himself to question the physician.

"And why do you suspect this?" he asked.

"The orcs are cruel and would not have passed up the chance to cripple or maim one of your boys for life," Oin said, closing his eyes as he did so, "And some of their wounds; over half stop just short of permanently injuring the dwarf they were given to."

"Surely that is not all your suspicions are based on?" Thorin knew the healer well enough to know there was something else he was holding back.

"Aye," Oin said reluctantly, "I also happen to recognise the…handy work."

"Wh-" began Thorin next to him before it hit the dark haired dwarf in the face. Oin knew that his king had gotten it.

"The only other two who we know were there," he answered all the same, if only to finally say it out loud.

"Self-inflicted or…?" The second part of the question was left unspoken.

"From what I can tell, none are self-inflicted," he said grimly.

Thorin was silent for a while as he absorbed this.

"We need to find out what happened," he said finally. Oin grunted in agreement.

"Aye, and Fili at least should be able to answer some of your questions. But," the healer said warningly, "That does not mean you will get them."

"In any case," Thorin stated, "It is time we found out what befell my two kinsmen."

* * *

**So, what did you think?**


	10. Time

**Thanks for the reviews. I hope this chapter pieces together some of what happened. I know you guys want to know.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Time**

* * *

_"It looks like nothing's out here," Kili said with a yawn. Fili shook his head at his brother's dismissal._

_"There could be orcs hiding somewhere nearby, and goblins have been sighted all over these mountains," he said, chiding his brother at the same time as expressing his concern and want to fulfil the mission they had been given properly, "You cannot just assume things."_

_"Yeah, yeah," Kili replied in a way that made Fili hold back a sudden urge to lunge at his brother. This was no time to overlook dangers or to only half do their intended job because they believed some assumption._

_"This is serious," Fili ground out, before jumping as something dashed right past his foot._

_"Because a rabbit is definitely going to kill you," Kili replied, not bothering to hide his smirk at his brother's tense overreaction to the animal's appearance. Fili glared at him, and not out of embarrassment either._

_"Do you want me to tell Thorin that he should send you back?" he asked. That shut his brother up and earned him a black stare for his troubles. Fili grimaced. He may have gone too far with the threat, but still, if Kili did not take this more seriously than he might very well be sent back home regardless. And his younger brother would love that._

_The pair were quiet for a while as they both looked around the area in silence, one fuming away as he did so._

_"Kili," Fili began finally in a resigned voice, only to turn as a short, sharp cry sounded behind him. "Kili!"_

_His hands fell to the hilt of his two swords, eyes widening as he took in the sight of his brother being manhandled by an orc that had appeared out of nowhere. Kili's face was one of shock and an almost fearful air as he struggled against the grip of the orc, one arm caught up against his chest as he furiously tried to dodge the swinging club around his head._

_Fili did not even consciously thinking about his actions before he had blocked a lethal blow towards his brother's head with one sword, and dealt his own life-taking strike with the other. The orc fell dead behind Kili as the brunette tore himself from the orc's now limp hands, Fili looking him over with concerned eyes. The cries of wargs in the distance and yelling of orcs that had not been there before jolted the blonde into action._

_"We need to warn the company," Fili shouted, shocking his brother out of his revive. The brunette shot him a startled glance before quickly nodding his head and dashing off hot on his brother's heels. The fact they had not heard the orc until he had grabbed Kili weighed heavily on his mind, as did the fact that the orc had actually grabbed his brother instead of just killing him on the spot._

* * *

Thorin watched as Fili shrugged, the youth wincing as the movement put some strain on his healing chest. This was the first time that either of his two nephews had even spoken about their days as captives.

"I remember they came out of nowhere," the blonde said, avoiding looking his uncle straight in the eye.

"Yes," the dark haired dwarf said, gently prodding his older nephew into telling him more of what had occurred, "And then what happened?"

* * *

_"What are we doing?" Kili asked suddenly, skidding to a halt as he spoke. Fili frowned at him._

_"We've got to warn the company," he said. Kili shook his head._

_"We're leading the orcs right to them. I do not doubt for a moment that they are right behind us," the brunette pointed out. Fili paused, thinking._

_His brother was right he realised, they were leading the enemy straight to the company. But they had to warn Thorin at the very least._

_"We have to take the risk," he decided, "We cannot allow the company to be surprised by Durin knows how many orcs there are out here."_

_Kili glanced at him and then their surroundings, uneasy. The blonde knew the brunette knew that their situation was not one they had been prepared for. They had only been scouting for Mahal's sake! He also knew that they were further from the company than was desirable at that current point in time._

_"Come on, we have tarried long enough," he growled, tugging his brother along by the hand to get him running again. Kili took the hint and ran. They both did until the first of many tackled them to the ground._

* * *

"Fili?" Thorin asked, drawing his nephew out of the disconnected state he had been in for what felt a lot longer than the handful of moments that had passed. Fili closed his eyes.

"They grabbed us, just like that," he continued reluctantly.

"Did you fight?" Thorin asked. Fili sent him a glare, eyes flashing and body tensing as he remembered.

"Of course we did. Who wouldn't if they were caught in a situation like that?"

* * *

_It was brutal; two against so many more, the pair both inexperienced at that. Their skills with their chosen weapons may have been good, but they were not that good and soon the brothers were overwhelmed._

_The blonde had heard Kili cry out as his wrist had snapped, a result of the brunette trying to twist his way out of the grip of an orc who had latched onto him. Fili had not wasted a single moment in cutting off the said orc's hand a second later. He had pushed his younger brother behind him in a poor attempt to shield the dwarf from further harm. Kili was gasping in pain behind him, injured arm held close to his chest, knife drawn and held at the ready in his good hand._

_Fili himself had received several injuries, taking a few harsh punches to his gut and upper body in the process of defending both himself and his brother. It seemed that the orcs, for some obscure reason, wanted the pair alive, for Fili was fairly sure they would have been killed a lot earlier on. A lot earlier on._

_As the blonde was distracted cleaving the neck of a warg which had darted too close to his flailing swords, a silver knife flew past his face, missing his ear by a mere finger's breadth. He watched, slightly startled, as the weapon buried itself into the skull of a would be… Assassin? Kidnapper? Neither was any good. And now his brother was pretty much useless; unable to draw his bow and provide them some cover. He had drawn his sword, but Fili knew he would be struggling to maintain his hold on the weapon as he desperately tried to block the blows from the enemy, the pain from his wrist and his inability to use it rendering him somewhat incapable of defending himself to a great extent._

_It was hopeless. Everything about this was hopeless, and it was not long before they were subdued by their opponents._

* * *

"I do not know what happened next," Fili stated, answering his uncle's unspoken questions, "But I do know they took us to a cave."

Now was the part where Thorin really wanted some answers, something to either confirm or deny his and Oin's suspicions.

"What did they do?" the dark haired dwarf asked, "What did you do?"

Fili blinked, his face now more impassive than before making it virtually impossible to garner any information from his expressions.

"Exactly what orcs are known to do."

This did not help to clarify anything for the exiled dwarfish king. He frowned.

"And what exactly is that? What did they do to you? Make you do?"

At this last question, Fili closed up, giving off an air of sudden hostility.

"I am tired," Fili announced, slowly easing himself back down, wincing as he did so. As soon as he was laying down, the blonde shut his eyes to the world.

Thorin took the hint and retired to another corner of the cave to watch over his two nephews as the rest of the company finished up their activities for the evening and settled down to muted conversations. While none of them showed it, they all had heard what had transpired between nephew and uncle. That did not worry Thorin, though he wished the cave offered more privacy. But the real issue was finding out what had happened.

* * *

Fili listened to the footsteps of his uncle fade away, but still he did not dare to open his eyes, though he was not in the slightest bit tired.

"What did they do? Make you do?"

He knew. Thorin knew what he had done, and most likely what his brother had done as well. He had not sounded angry, more like unsure. Still, Fili could not bring himself to face up to his crimes and admit his shame, his failures to his idol, the one dwarf he looked up to the most.

The thing was, he remembered it all clearly; every detail of every accursed day. And what he wouldn't give to wish he hadn't.

* * *

_"Well, well, well," a voice said above them, "Look at what we have here."_

_Fili glared up at the foul face above him. He remained silent, keeping his expression one of distaste._

_"Oh, don't be like that," the orc before him mocked as he grinned, "The other one isn't awake yet."_

_A jolt of fear flashed through Fili, though he tried hard not to let it show. He allowed his eyes to flicker quickly to where the orc's gaze was directed, finding his vision made up of the unconscious body of a brown haired dwarf._

_"You leave my brother alone," Fili growled, turning back to the monster in front of him. The vile creature smiled again, this one more fear-inducing than the last._

_"Brother?" he asked in a way which instantly made the blonde regret his words, "Why, then we must certainly wait for your brother to wake."_

* * *

**Review! (And I hope some questions are beginning to be answered).**


	11. Echoes

**Here you go, the next chapter in the story you all seem to enjoy so much (thanks for the reviews last chapter - I got a lot). This one, unfortunately, does not have much Fili and Kili, but it does have a lot of Thorin. So enjoy (hopefully). And don't ask about the chapter title.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Echoes **

* * *

"That went well," Thorin remarked almost bitterly, unhappy that he had been unable to glean any information from his elder nephew.

"It will take time for them to impart any information that will help us to really piece together what happened," Balin replied, watching over the cave entrance and the company leader at the same time.

"Fili is at least well enough to," the younger dwarf said. Balin shook his head.

"Maybe in body, but who knows what is going on inside his mind. Or the mind of his brother's for that matter," the white bearded dwarf answered, "For surely you know that in this situation they have been through what is likely a lot more than either of them can handle." Thorin sighed.

"I do not want to think of how they might have changed," he answered, looking over at the sleeping bodies of his two nephews, "For they were the ones who kept me sane all those years of death, displacement, plague and cold, gave me something to look forward to every time I returned home."

"And now you may have to be the one to keep them sane," his friend stated, giving voice to the unspoken fear inside of the dark haired dwarf.

A silence filled the cave, broken by only Bombur's snores as Thorin tried to think of a way he could still somehow view Fili and Kili in the same way he had viewed them before they had been separated, but try as he might, it was impossible. The haunted look in both their eyes was one that would haunt him for the rest of his long life, and it was something that would not just disappear from his nephews either.

The exiled king and bitter dwarf looked towards where the two youth laid yet again, replaying what he knew had happened over and over in his head.

* * *

_"They have been gone a long time," the hobbit said with his head bent towards the ground, fiddling with something in his hands._

_"Who?" had been the general response of the company, save for a few who had tensed up at the burglar's words._

_"Fili and Kili," Bilbo had informed them, seeming slightly annoyed that the dwarves had not gotten it right the first time around._

_"They are scouting," Nori dismissed, "And it can take a while depending on who you send." The words he had not said hung in the air._

_"Fili and his brother may be high spirited," Bofur defended, "But when it comes to things like this, they take their job very seriously."_

_"Aye, just as seriously as when they lost the ponies," Dwalin interjected._

_"Seriously enough," the toymaker shot back, refusing to budge in his standing. Dwalin and Nori both opened their mouths to argue when they were silenced by Thorin._

_"Bofur has a point," he said, looking around at their surroundings, "Fili and Kili would take their job very seriously and they would have returned by now. They know how dangerous these mountains can be, with orcs and other such filth running wild across the range." There was a loud silence between the company as they all realised what this meant._

_"We need to split up into groups in order to cover more ground," Dwalin said as he begun to strap his weapons back onto his person._

_"Some of us she stay to guard the camp and in case they return while you are out looking," Bombur spoke up. There was a pause and then a nod of agreement,_

_"Aye, Bilbo and Ori can stay," Gloin agreed, "And the rest of us can split into pairs."_

_There was a large clamour as eleven dwarves and a hobbit begun to leap into action, shouting at one another and in all, creating a major ruckus._

_"Enough!" Thorin bellowed in order to be heard over the noise. The company fell silent as they stilled. "We will only send one party out into the woods to look for them as of this time," the dark haired dwarf continued now that they were all listening, "The rest of you will stay here in calm until their return where it can be decided on our actions from there. With luck, it won't have to come to that." Dwalin and Nori will be coming with me. Now I suggest the rest of you prepare for anything we might need on our return."_

_Each dwarf, at these words, hesitated for a mere fraction of a moment before begging to either put down or finish assembling their gear. The two dwarves chosen for the search operation meet up with Thorin on the edge of the camp before they began to head off in the direction that Fili and Kili had headed before them._

_There was no talk between the three as they trekked along between the tall pines that grew up in the mountains, and for this Thorin was grateful. He was worried enough as it was without having his worry added to by the fears of others. It was already hard enough struggling to keep his resolve when they might very well find the dead bodies of his two nephews, or the fact that they might find no trace of them at all because they had fallen over one of the many cliffs lining the Misty Mountains._

_This last part may have been a bit of an over exaggeration, as there were no cliffs in this particular area as far as Thorin was concerned. Yet the dwarfish king was unable to banish any such thought from his mind._

They might only be injured_, Thorin told himself, yet he was unable to believe the thought._

_Dwalin was tense, eyes scanning for any signs of trouble as his hands unconsciously opened and closed on the staff of his axe. Nori was bent over, searching for any of the more undetectable signs, being one of the company's best trackers. Thorin too was looking, having picked up both his nephew's footprints, glad they had not been at all attempting to cover them._

_Soon the grey clouds that had been hanging overhead for most of the day tore open, letting out sprinklings of rain drops as it slowly and steadily built up to a more full out blast of water. The urgency of the three dwarves increased, all knowing they could lose the trail in the rain, which would decimate all marks for them to follow. They broke into a faster pace, eyes flicking from side to side, picking up on everything they passed. There were the muddying footprints, and a strand of hair here and there, but the first real sign they found of what had occurred to the company's two youngest came as a massive shock._

_How they had not heard anything amazed Thorin, though the area they were standing in now was a good way away from the campsite. Several orc bodies lay strewn around the clearing, but that was nothing compared to the mess of footprints that were tramping one another into oblivion, and it was certainly nothing compared to what was so obviously missing._

_"Is there a chance it might not have been them?" Nori asked from where he was looking at the leftovers from a fierce battle._

_"No," Dwalin said, shaking his head and cutting off all hope as he held up a knife dripping with orcish blood, "Kili, at least, was here."_

_"Aye, and Fili too," Thorin said with resignation, lifting the hilt of one of two duel swords he would recognise anywhere._

_The rain was now pouring down upon them, making it hard to see each other and the bodies before them. Black blood swirled around in the puddles forming on the ground around the trio._

_"Do you think they could be injured somewhere?" asked Nori. Thorin shook his head._

_"Injured yes, but I have trained both to know better than to leave their weapons behind if they are attacked by something," the company leader replied._

_"They are not among the filth here though," Dwalin interjected, having finished inspecting all those that he could find, "So, then where are they?"_

_Thorin rubbed his face with one hand, trying to think straight as wave after wave of panic and worry hit him, refusing to give way to logic. His two heirs might be in danger on the run from a force greater than they could handle, and yet here he was standing, unable to do anything about it. They could be dying, wounded somewhere amongst the trees and caves dotting the mountains, alone and scared. They might even be dead and he wouldn't know about it. These were the only scenarios Thorin could think of and each one did nothing to help lift his moral._

_"Is it possible they have been taken prisoner?" Nori asked, kicking aside the body of one orc as he moved closer to his leader, beard and hair both dripping with water._

_"It would be better they were dead than captured," Dwalin muttered darkly, knowing full well what orcs were capable of._

_"But they would still have a chance of us rescuing them," Nori pointed out. Thorin lifted his head, thinking hard._

_"So far, that makes the most sense," he stated, "For they are not here, yet their weapons are. As well as a hoard of dead orcs and their steeds. If we can find something else to track, we may be able to find them."_

_"We will never find anything in this rain," Dwalin disagreed, shaking his head, "And it will do them no good should any of us fall ill from this blasted rain."_

_"You would have me abandon them?" Thorin growled, his frustration at not being able to piece together what had happened and lack of ability to hold them in his arms boiling over._

_"No," Dwalin said, "But I do suggest we go back to the company and wait out the rain or at least start up again when it is lighter. That way there will be little risk of catching some bloody cold, and we will have nine more pairs of eyes to look out for something to help us find Fili and Kili."_

_Finally the exiled king came to accept the logic in his friends words and wearily followed his companions back to camp, shivering not from the rain or cold, but from the prospect of what might have happened to his nephews._

* * *

"You need to stop worrying about them. They are in good hands."

The shock of Balin's face somehow appearing right in front of his own brought Thorin out of his gloomy memories and the dark haired dwarf eyed his adviser somewhat warily.

"They are not the sons of your sister," Thorin shot back. Balin smiled grimly.

"But they are like the sons I never had," he answered, silencing the younger dwarf once again, "They will be fine. They have to be if they are to continue on with this journey. If not..."

There was no need to finish the sentence. If his nephews did not heal, then their part in the quest would be over sooner than anyone had expected.

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**So, there is a button down there for reviewing in case you haven't noticed. It gets lonely from time to time. *hint, hint***


	12. Disturbed

**Sorry it's short. The next one will be longer, I promise. But here you go (probably could be better, but again, the next one, I promise).**

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**Chapter 12: Disturbed**

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_There was nothing wrong, nothing wrong at all, save for the fact it was his brother wielding the knife instead of the orcs. He knew it was the orcs fault, yet it was Fili who was the one causing him pain._

"Kili," a voice said next to him.

_He tried not to wince as he felt the knife descend upon his flesh for the third time, but he could not help it and his mouth soon filled with the coppery taste of blood as his teeth sunk into his lower lip in order to stop himself from crying out. Fili looked at him through apologetic eyes, eyes which showed he regretted every moment of this. Yet Kili was afraid for when he stopped, knowing that he would have to inflict the same amount of pain on his brother._

"Kili," the same voice repeated with slightly more urgency and a little fear.

_The knife glinted in the dim light from the sun as his brother drew it out of yet another wound, the liquid glowing a deep scarlet as Kili squirmed against his bonds and the weight pinning him down. The orcs looked on with a gleeful gleam in their beady, black eyes._

"Kili!"

The brunette turned his head to face Ori who was situated next to him, Fili still supposedly asleep, though Kili could tell from where he was that it was more likely his brother was just thinking.

"You zoned out for a moment there," the scribe informed him, looking somewhat relieved that the archer had returned back to the normal world. Kili just blinked his eyes slowly closed as he turned to assess the cave around him, not really wanting to converse with anyone besides his brother.

Bofur and Dwalin were sharing a round of banter, Balin and Thorin talking in low voices beside them, their words hidden by the noise made by the rest of the company. Nori was sitting in a corner by himself, like Kili inspecting those before him with an observant eye. The dwarf's older brother and Oin were conversing rather loudly, the former on account of the latter dwarf's deafness, chatting away about certain ways to do things. Gloin, Bombur and Bifur were stationed behind his field of vision, and Bilbo was staring almost wistfully out the mouth of the cave. Not that Kili was interested in anything that was occurring, save for what his uncle and Balin were discussing, and even then, it was only a passing curiosity.

"Do you need anything?" Ori asked, seemingly eager to do something or to at least fill in the silence with words. Kili, however, shook his head. Then he paused and nodded.

"Water," he asked, his voice scratchy and throat sore. The timid dwarf behind him instantly leapt to his feet, immediately running to fetch what Kili had asked for. The brunette watched him go, the pain from his wounds causing his head to throb. At this point in time, however, the pain was manageable, as was the effects from the fever that still had hold of his body.

"Here you go," Ori said upon his return.

Kili thanked him with a fake smile and allowed the older dwarf to place the cup holding the liquid in his hands, the beardless dwarf then drinking deeply from the vessel. Satisfied, Kili allowed the ginger dwarf beside him to remove the cup from his hand, after which Ori took out his journal and began to sketch.

"You know, it's quite easy to become parched, and Dori always says…"

The scribe began to ramble on, talking about nothing of great importance, or nothing of great importance to Kili anyway. The brown haired dwarf wanted his brother to awake so he could help chase away the horrific visions as he had with the nightmares Kili had when he was younger, but the blonde slumbered on, almost blissfully unaware of his brother's plight. Instead Kili laid his head back down, closing his eyes inconspicuously as he listened to his friend talk. His breathing slowed, but he had not yet fallen asleep, for he was afraid to because of the images which had haunted night after night after their rescue.

* * *

Thorin watched as the blank look his youngest nephew had been supporting vanished, the brunette drawn back into reality by Ori as the latter tried desperately to get his attention. The brunette had zoned out a short while ago, Thorin first noticing as he watched Kili stare into nothing, Ori realising when the beardless dwarf didn't respond to one of his questions.

The time the youth had been out of it had been long enough for several dramas to unfold within the company, most dwarves not taking kindly to being cooped up for so long. Dwalin and Nori, as could have been predicted, had broken into a heated argument after one of the two (no one had any clear idea who) had accidently tripped up the other. Their voices had risen in volume until Balin had snapped at them to either take it outside the cave or shut up. The two chose to take the second option, but even now they were still sending each other ill hidden black looks. How Kili had not noticed that was beyond Thorin.

The other incident that had occurred was between Bofur and Oin. The former had asked the latter a question and, due to the healer's deafness, it had been misinterpreted. The toymaker had asked how he could deal with Gloin as a brother. The old dwarf had thought Bofur had inferred his mother was something particularly insulting. The older of the two had then stated this very loudly, taking the insult as any dwarf would and trying to vow to defend his mother's honour, all the while the toymaker and Gloin trying to tell the enraged dwarf that Bofur had not actually said this. The incident was resolved, and now the two were laughing over it quite heartily.

It was only after these two cases that Kili came back to himself, and this had Thorin worried. He wondered if he should say something to Oin, but then again, he had seen it with a few warriors after the battle of Moria, them detaching from the world without ever realising it. This was especially concerning when it happened on patrols and during mock fights, for if it happened then, it would certainly happen in a real battle of life and death. Even in the wild, especially with Kili being untrained, Thorin was uncomfortable.

The exiled king watched as his nephew closed his eyes, seeming as if he were trying to block out the tirade of words that Ori was spitting out. This was also fairly concerning, the great king thinking back to the conversation he had had with his blonde nephew, trying to find answers that Fili refused to give. It seemed that they did not want to communicate with the members of the company, or the outside world in general, spending almost half their time asleep even though half of their 'sleep' was probably an act. After all, one could only handle so much sleep. There was no doubt the pair were avoiding something. He just didn't know what.

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**Review. **


	13. Brief calm

**Alright, this one is not all doom and gloom. It was meant to be but then it sort of turned a few lines in. Consider it a short relief before some of the real angst starts to kick in. Be warned, it will not last. **

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**Chapter 13: Brief calm**

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It was hard enough not to be able to do anything, but what was harder was the fact that, through his inability to distract himself from the horrors of what had happened, his mind allowed it all to come flooding back. Fili could not bear to have to watch himself mutilating his brother and his brother being forced to mutilate him. So instead he tried to fixate on his brother's face before him, trying to focus on each little detail on the brunette's face as Kili stared back at him for moral support.

The blonde offered the youth a half-hearted smile.

"It's nice to finally have some quiet in the cave," the hobbit not a few feet away from them said mostly to himself.

He was positively glowing with relief and rejuvenation as he made the most of his time at most of the company's departure from the caves for a roam around the part of the mountain they were in. All that were left were Fili, Kili and Bilbo who were stationed inside. Thorin had also ordered Bifur to stay behind and guard the three, and the big dwarf was stationed just outside the mouth of the cave.

The relatively empty atmosphere rubbed off on Fili too; it was not so hard to avoid interacting with the others and Bilbo knew well enough when to leave the pair alone.

"You alright?" the blonde half whispered to his brother. Kili shot him a half-hearted sarcastic smile that did not reach is eyes at all.

"If you call being plagued by nightmares every time you so much as close your eyes alright," he said just as softly, his voice not having the least touch of humour in it. He looked tired despite the sleep he had been getting and there were increasingly darkening circles under his eyes. Still, he looked a whole lot healthier than he had back there.

"The best you can do it to try and forget it," Fili said solemnly, "It's the best we can both do."

"That is something that cannot happen even if we wanted it to for it is a part of us like Bofur's hat is a part of him," laughed Kili bitterly, "Something like this we cannot forget, not matter how hard we try. It will always keep coming back no matter what we do." His voice was laced with a slight hysteria which Fili understood completely.

"That is why we need to try," Fili said, trying to keep his voice level and avoid allowing the small amount of despair show through his words. It was not easy considering what they had been through and how much it had broken his resolve.

There was a silence between the two as Bilbo sat humming a tune to himself, one Fili recognised but could not place. Kili focused on a point above Fili's head, his eyes glazing over as he began to detach from the scene before him. His blonde brother fiddled with the edge of the blanket he was under before looking over to where Bilbo was sitting. The hobbit offered him a small smile.

"The others will be back in a while," Bilbo said, "So we have a while until we need to worry about Bofur's singing voiced again." This humour was lost on the blonde and the hobbit appeared to realise this. He then changed his tactic to try and engage the youth in a conversation. "Do you need anything?" Fili shook his head.

"Kili, you need anything?" he asked, looking towards his brother. The brunette had not appeared to have heard him. "Kili?," he asked again, not liking the way his brother was not responding to him, "Kili, are you alright?"

"What?" the brunette snapped, finally paying attention to the blonde's words.

"Do you need anything?" Fili asked again quietly, unsure of what to make of what just happened. The brunette shook his head.

"I am fine," he said to his brother. Fili turned back to Bilbo and shook his head.

"Thanks for offering though," he said, hoping that would satisfy the hobbit's attempts to draw him, and most likely his brother too, into a conversation. Bilbo, however, only looked disheartened for a moment.

"How about a game then?" he asked. The blonde dwarf eyed him warily, not understanding why Bilbo was being so instant.

"What game?" he asked.

"A guessing game," the company burglar said with enthusiasm, "I will describe a member of the company and you both can try to guess who it is. That is if you want to play," he ended. He sounded so disheartened and unsure of himself at the end that Fili could not say no without further guilt drowning his soul. He had already hurt one being enough to last him a life time, one that he cared deeply about too, he would not cause harm to another if he could help it.

"I will attempt to play," the blonde finally answered. Kili just sat silently next to his brother, hands closed on something in his lap, watching the proceedings with only a small amount of interest. Bilbo looked as though he would burst with optimism.

"Alright then, here is my first challenge," he said, "I am a good cook, and an ever better eater. My beard is braided and I eat cheese by the block." Fili did not hesitate to answer.

"Bombur," the prince said easily, "Next time do not be so obvious." Bilbo smiled.

"Sorry," the hobbit apologised, "But I thought the first one should be easier, but if you want harder, then guess this one. I love a good riddle, and an even better joke. The flute is my instrument, and my hat a-"

"Bofur," Fili answered, "Harder."

"Well, try this one," Bilbo challenged, "I am elderly, but not the eldest of the group. My beard is grey and I am quite queer in my ways."

Fili frowned slightly, thinking. This one was harder and the youth had no idea who the small being was talking about. All the dwarves of the company were queer, or most of them in any case, and more than one supported grey whiskers upon their chin. He thought harder over the words that Bilbo had used, and then it struck him, the main clue was not what the hobbit had said but the actual words themselves.

"Dori," Fili said loudly enough for Kili to wince next to him. "Sorry," he muttered quickly before turning back to the burglar, "It's Dori isn't it?" He was enjoying the challenge slightly, not that he would admit it. It took his mind off the other…things he had both seen and experienced in the past few weeks.

"The answer is indeed Dori," the hobbit said, chuckling slightly at his reaction, "Let's see if you can guess the others."

This continued on for a while, each getting progressively harder. At certain points, Bilbo stopped to ask if Kili wanted to join in, but each time the brunette shook his head, though he continued to watch with a now growing interest. Fili found the answer to Bilbo's final riddle just as the rest of the company walked in.

"Balin," he said with an air of triumph. Bilbo smiled at him, letting him know that he had guessed correctly.

"What's Balin?" Dwalin asked as he wandered past, "Old?" His brother punched him in the side as he smiled at the two younger dwarfs beneath him.

"Good to see you are both up," the white bearded dwarf said sincerely.

Fili withdrew into himself slightly at the attention, now uncomfortable with so many surrounding him. Kili obviously felt the same way, curling in on himself as more and more of the company entered. It was a little more than daunting after he had spent so long with a mass of orcs determined to make his and his brother's life as miserable as possible. And they had done more than just succeed, that was for sure.

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**And next chapter will be back to normal. Please review.**


	14. Irritated

**Thorin's third perspective is a bit weird I admit, but I hope you like it anyway. There will be more flashbacks for Kili and Fili next chapter on. The chapter title is a bit weird, but best I could come with for now.**

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**Chapter 14: Irritated**

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Thorin fiddled with his thumbs, thinking about what they had found, or rather what they had not found while scouting around the area. There had been no sign of the orcs who had been responsible for taking his nephews, but in a way the fact that there was no signs was what worried him. The foul creatures could be somewhere plotting and planning, which would be a bad thing for the company as a whole. Their enemy knew how many there were of them, as well as the fact they had nearly beaten the company in the fight. The exiled king was uncomfortable that they had remained in one place for so long and he would be wrong not to admit that he was eager to get moving, as was most of the company.

The problem was his nephews, for, according to Oin, neither Fili or Kili were healed enough to risk trekking over the mountains, and he was right. While the two youngest of the company were well on the mend, Fili was still at least several days away from even trying to stand, and Kili still needed assistance, albeit a small amount, to sit upright properly. Thorin was not angry at this, far from it for it was his own kin that they were talking about, but the delay could mean that the orcs would have the chance of getting the drop on them. But then again, he supposed they already had.

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_"This is impossible," the king growled aloud, only a hair's breadth away from putting his fist through something, anything, though he would prefer it went through the skull of the bastards that had taken his nephews. He would not say killed just yet, not while there was still hope, but it was a hope which was dwindling fast._

_"It would have been even more so in the rain," Dwalin reasoned calmly from behind him, "It was wise to wait."_

_"And look where that advice got us," Thorin almost shouted, "The tracks have gone, washed away by the rain, and we have found nothing else to go on in two days." The tall warrior beside him had nothing to say to that for his leader's fears were the same as his own. The others nearby also held their tongues, or at least most of them did, for Nori had found something worth all their while._

_"They went this way," he cried, running back from the forest towards their right. In his hand he held a small swatch of blue fabric, the same blue as Kili's cloak. Thorin's mood immediately picked up at the smalls sign of Fili and Kili, for wherever one went, the other was bound to follow._

_"Are there any other signs?" he asked, taking charge of the situation, his relief seeping through the cracks in the mask that was his face. Nori shook his head._

_"But it should not be long before we find some," he answered, his expression that of utter seriousness and determination. Thorin was not the only one who cared about the wellbeing of the missing company members._

_"What are we waiting for then?" Dwalin asked, "Let us get going."_

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Thorin jerked out of the memory and drew his attention back to the conversation that was now being held between him and two other members of the company, forcing himself to focus on the words being spoken.

"They seem to have opened up more today," Balin said beside him, having taken a place next to the company leader earlier, "Perhaps it is time to question them again."

"Well, they have healed enough and both have been awake for most of the day, so I see no reason why this would be an issue," Oin who was also beside the king replied, before both the dwarves who had spoken turned their heads to look at Thorin. The dark haired dwarf nodded his head in assent.

"We do need to learn what happened," he acknowledged, but at the same time remembering his own failed attempt to communicate with his eldest nephew, "But it might serve us better if we take a different approach than before."

"What are you suggesting?" Balin asked, his brow creasing slightly in thought. Thorin looked him in the eye.

"You said yourself that both Fili and Kili opened up today more so than all the time since they have awoken combined. And this occurred with our company burglar," he explained, seeing that the other two were beginning to get his idea.

"So you are suggesting that we allow the hobbit to question them?" Oin asked, wanting to clarify. Thorin was mildly surprised he had heard everything alright.

"Yes," he said, nodding his head at the same time so the company healer could not misunderstand him, "It may be our best bet so far."

* * *

Kili watched the activity around him, unsure of what to make of it all, unsure of whether or not he should be afraid. Either case, he was slightly scared and there was no fixing that. He especially didn't like the way some of the dwarves were talking in low voices amongst themselves and then shooting him and his brother sometimes pondering, but mostly pitying glances. Couldn't they understand he just wanted to be left alone?

When it was just him, Fili and Bilbo, it had been better, not completely good, but better. He had listened to the pair's voices talking, drawn in by the light tone he had not really heard in oh so long. And even though he had detached from the world around him from time to time, involuntarily switching for his own much darker version, when the brunette had come back to himself, he had been calmed down quickly by the constant voice of the blonde beside him. Even now Fili was there, his mere presence reassuring the constantly spooked dwarf.

"Hello again," a voice above him said and Kili watched as Bilbo sat down in front of them. The hobbit smiled first at him and then his brother, though Fili was the only one to return it half-heartedly.

The three sat in silence for a moment, Bilbo trying to find the words he needed, and the other two not wanting to say anything. Kili's attention drifted off onto the back wall of the cave where shadows were beginning to form, only for it to be brought back to the hobbit in front of him as the ginger haired being finally began to speak.

"Well, you seemed to enjoy the guessing game today," he said, still smiling.

Kili stared at the hobbit and bit his lip not wanting to answer, though his eyes shone a little at the thought. It had been fun just listening, in a way. Fili nodded beside him. The hobbit smiled again, showing teeth this time as he opened his mouth to speak,

"Okay then…uh…well…um…do you just want to talk?"

He did not get a response from either of them, but both brothers waited for the hobbit to speak again. Somewhat uncomfortable, Bilbo regained speaking, Kili watching him closely.

"Well, your uncle is concerned about you both, we all are really," he started, slowly gaining confidence, "You are both healing, but none of us know what happened except for you two."

Kili was beginning to grow uncomfortable again, small warning bells beginning to go off in his head. His breathing quickened, chest rising and falling faster and faster as he struggled to regain a hold on himself.

"What happened?" he could hear the hobbit asking, "What did they do to you? You were both hurt considerably, and you are both not acting like yourselves."

Kili was dimly aware of Bilbo stopping, dimly aware of the looks that were being shot in his direction and dimly aware of his brother going off at the small being in front of them as he curled over, ignoring the sharp twinges of pain it sent through his body as he hummed brokenly to himself, trying to block out the images now flowing freely through his head at a rapid rate.

"Can't you just leave us alone?" he heard Fili yelling through the sound of blood rushing past his ears, "Can you not see that we do not want to talk about it? What will it take to get it through your thick skulls that we do not want to be reminded of what happened?"

"But…I didn't mean-"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU MEANT!" Fili bellowed, sounding a lot like their uncle, but a whole lot angrier, "YOU HAVE ANGERED ME AND SENT MY BROTHER INTO A FIT!"

There was not a sound to be heard within the whole cave as the last echoes of Fili's words echoed off the rocky walls, save for Kili's own harsh breathing. The blonde beside him turned and began to comfort him, drawing him close and not caring at all for those who were watching.

"It's alright," he whispered over and over again, as he carefully unhooked the archer's fingers from his brown hair, "It's alright."

Eventually the brunette calmed down, still shuddering occasionally, but his breathing slowing as Fili continually stroked his hair. Kili sighed and rested his cheek on his older brother's legs and soon fell asleep with his brother still murmuring in his ear.

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**Review please.**


	15. Reality

**I really hope you like this chapter (this is what happens when I listen to sad music while trying to write a good chapter...). Enjoy and I will try to update soon. (and, as always, my chapter title doesn't really fit - doubt they ever will, or at least half anyway).**

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**Chapter 15: Reality**

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Thorin watched his two nephews closely, still unsure of just how changed they were, though if their reactions to a simple questioning that afternoon were anything to go by, the exiled king would say that the pair had changed a lot. The whole company was sleeping with the exception of him, who was stationed on watch with Dwalin - or was supposed to be anyway but the other warrior seemed to have somehow dozed off - and Fili, who was staring broodily into the night, still seemingly upset by what had transpired earlier on during his outbreak.

Kili's head remained pillowed on his brother's crossed legs, his brow slightly furrowed as he fought off the nightmares that were invading his mind. Nightmares of what Thorin didn't want to know, but whatever they were, they could not be good. Still, he was not thrashing around or crying out which was a good sign, yet every now and then a small whimper escaped from his lips only to die back down as Fili unconsciously rubbed his hand comfortingly on the back of his brother's shoulders. This sound tore at the exiled king's heart like nothing else had. It just sounded so…broken. And Fili, his eyes were too old for one his age.

They had been through so much it simply wasn't fair. But then again, life was never fair.

As the time wore on, Thorin could only think of the life his nephews should have had, the first starting with a father. They had known him for only a short time, Kili barely even at all before he had died. So he had to step in as a father-like figure. Yet he was certain that he had never been able to fulfil that role properly, especially not with the fact that he had so many dwarves to look after. And that was the crux of the next problem; all they would inherit when he passed from this world would be a displaced people if their quest to reclaim Erebor was unsuccessful.

Erebor.

Fili and Kili should have both been raised like the princes they were in the great city, but it was not to be. Instead they were raised in a town far from reaching the grandness of Erebor. But for now that did not matter; he was lucky that they were still alive after what they had been through.

"Are you not going to sleep?" Thorin asked his nephew when the blonde showed no signs of tiring. Fili shot him a hard look, but his gaze softened under the concern his uncle was showing freely.

"Sleep, at the moment, is a little out of my grasp," he replied, turning back to look outside the mouth of the cave and into the starry sky. Thorin allowed silence to stretch between them for a while before speaking again.

"Are you alright?" he asked, watching Fili closely to try to gain an idea of how his oldest nephew was fairing.

"Oin says I'm healing," the youth answered, fingering his sleeping brother's hair gently.

"No," Thorin said, shaking his head, "That was not what I meant. Are you _alright_?"

The exiled king watched as Fili contemplated his brother, tracing a finger lightly down a long but shallow gash stitched closed on his younger sibling's face, a wound which would no doubt scar over. The brunette shivered at the touch but did not cry out as his eyes flickered rapidly beneath his closed eyelids and his expression became one of discomfort. His brother placed a hand on his head, thumb stroking his left temple as he thought.

The dark haired dwarf awaited his heir's answer patiently, unable to see the blonde's blue eyes, but knowing that there would be many emotions struggling within them as Fili thought about what to say.

* * *

_Kili was staring at him with an expression of determination, but his eyes contradicted the brave face he was putting on. The brunette's eyes cried out for Fili not to do it, for the blonde not to hurt him anymore, for this all to end, yet the both of them knew that Fili had no choice in the matter_

_"Well," sneered the orc above them, "Get on with it." Fili swallowed silently, praying to the gods to help both him and his brother through this ordeal, to send someone to save them from these monsters._

_Slowly the blonde dragged the knife in his hand down the length of his brother's face, drawing the tip from the top of the archer's cheekbone to where his jaw began to curve into his chin. Scarlet beads of blood welled up along the precise line which had barely dug into the flesh it ran across. _

_"Deeper!" the orcish leader above them screamed. Fili bit his lip the same time Kili closed his eyes. _

_The pair let out a deep, but quiet breath in unison before Fili moved in with the knife again, making the wound deeper but avoiding going too deep in order to keep the knife from hitting bone. Still, the scarlet beads of blood from before were now a deep, gushing red. The blonde watched, heartbroken, as Kili held back a whimper at the pain that he was being caused. _

_Finished, Fili pulled back the knife, his hands shaky and half covered in his brother's blood. His captor, realising that he would gain nothing more from his new entertainment for the time being barked several orders to those under his command and Fili soon found himself bound again, next to his brother, but unable to touch him properly to provide any comfort._

_His own hot and sticky blood dripped into his eyes from a cut made by his brother. The wounds that they had been forced to give each other had not been that crippling however, but Fili had an apprehensive feeling that all that would soon change come the morning tomorrow or a few days after. Orcs were bloodthirsty creatures and thrived on cruelty and the pain of other beings, including animals. In the time that he had been stuck in the cave, the blonde had witnessed many a hare have both hind legs crippled before the monsters allowed it to try and hop away, all while it was bleeding slowly to death from a deep gash in its throat that failed to kill it straight away. And when the animal finally gave up and laid down on the ground, the orcs tore into it raw, almost always fighting each other to get the best bit. _

_It was revolting and beyond cruel, yet Fili wouldn't be surprised if he and his brother were crippled and then forced to run until they gave up where they would then just become another slab of meat for the orcs to use to feed themselves or their wargs. _

_He could only hope they would escape the clutches of these horrendous beings before such a fate came to pass._

* * *

Blinking away the memory, Fili continued to stroke his brother's head, eyes fixated on the line puckered red line running down the left side of his kinsman's face.

"We are as fine as we will ever get," he answered, "With everything that happened, I doubt we can ever go back to how we were." The blonde knew his uncle knew he was not merely talking about himself.

The cool night air drifted around the three heirs of Durin, two of which were still awake. The hoot of a barn owl sounded overhead and Fili smiled at another happier memory, remembering the incident with the trolls. They had been lucky that Bilbo had been able to think straight and use his wits to help get them out of there.

"You should get some rest," Thorin said from across him, his face kind and expression the same as when the great king had allowed Fili to cry himself to sleep on his shoulder as a child. Fili nodded and obediently laid down and shut his eyes, pleased when the pain that lanced up his side at the movement was only small considering what it had been. Unknown to him, however, was the fact that Thorin continued to watch him with the same expression, the proud dwarf's mind racing as he tried to think of a way in which he could have rescued his nephews sooner, in which they would have not had to experience the pain that had befallen them.

"You know, you can be soft when you want to be," a voice said behind the dark haired dwarf. Thorin did not turn around.

"I thought you were asleep," he replied. Dwalin's mouth twitched in the darkness.

"Resting maybe, but not asleep. Never when there could be a danger lurking out there, an evil waiting to strike." That was true enough. The seasoned warrior cared for the members of the company, though in varying degrees, and would not allow anything to befall them on his watch.

"How can we protect them from other evils if we could not protect them from this?" Thorin questioned, his old friend knowing full well who he was talking about. Dwalin sighed.

"We may not have been able to protect them before, but now it will be virtually impossible for anything to harm them," the dwarf said seriously, "And I swear on my life to be sure that nothing ever does." Thorin felt slightly better at his friend's oath.

"I know you will," he said, "You have always been there to keep them from the most serious of harm. I just wish we were able to keep them from this."

The two friends stared into the darkness, one at two broken brothers, one at the world outside.

"All I know is," Dwalin grunted in response to his king's last words, "That if those bastards try to even come at either of the lads, I will not rest until every one of their skulls has been crushed beneath my boot."

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**Did you like it? Review and tell me (and thanks for all the reviews so far).**


	16. Tainted

**Okay, so I don't know how good this is in the scheme of thing, but I hope you like it. Enjoy. (sorry if it is a bit short)**

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**Chapter 16: Tainted**

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"You know that we cannot tarry here any longer if we are to reach Erebor before Durin's Day."

Thorin ignored the wise and almost condescending voice beside him, or tried to anyway for he could not deny the truth that rang in his advisor's words.

"And we also have the orcs to worry about in any case, for I would hedge a large bet that we have not seen the last of them or their kind," Balin continued, "Surely Fili and Kili are at least healed enough to begin moving forward at a slow pace?" He paused for a moment, considering his next words before reopening his mouth. "Of course there is another alternative, and that is that both your nephews no longer take part in this journey and return to the Blue Mountains to their mother and your sister."

Thorin's body stiffened at his friend's words, his mind rebelling against the thought of his kinsmen, his heirs not being able to continue on with the journey. They were one of the many reasons he was undertaking it. He wanted to leave them a legacy that was so much more than just a displaced people and the story of a great city taken from the dwarves of Erebor. He wanted to leave them Erebor itself, free from the dragon Smaug and all evils who sought it and its gold. And he wanted them to be there when he liberated it from the dragon's grasp.

"The path over the Misty Mountains is a dangerous one," he said calmly, masking his inner anger at the white bearded dwarf's suggestion, "And it would be even more treacherous if we were to bring my nephews along and then have to watch out for them as well as ourselves. No, we must wait for a small while longer if we do not want to risk another incident, most likely one that we cannot alter."

"But we cannot wait forever. You are only delaying the inevitable," Balin stated before moving off to leave his king alone with his thoughts.

Thorin knew what the old dwarf was doing; forcing him to make the choice whether or not he allowed Fili and Kili to continue on this quest. The dark haired dwarf knew that Balin at least was wary about the pair continuing, but Thorin had always envisioned both his nephews being by his side as he walked once again through the great doors of Erebor. But Balin was right about one things; he was delaying the inevitable, forcing the company to wait a few more days so that his nephews could recover. It was more so that he could decide whether or not the journey was worth the risk of losing them, if he had not lost them already.

* * *

Kili was stiff when he woke, his cheek red from pressing so hard into his brother's leg. Fili was snoring softly in his ear, one of his hands wrapped carefully around the brunette's shoulders, effectively trapping Kili where he was unless the youth wanted to risk waking his brother. Sighing to himself, Kili allowed his head to flop back down onto Fili, knowing that the blonde probably needed the sleep, also knowing that it would be a miracle if the older dwarf could get some relatively peaceful rest, for though his brother did not fully show the signs to the outside world, it was clear that Fili was too haunted by things best left forgotten.

"You want some help shifting your brother?" a friendly asked above him. Kili shook his head.

"I would rather not wake him until he is ready to be woken," he answered softly, affection for his brother clearly evident in his voice as he stroked the blonde's hand with gentle fingers.

"Very well then," Bilbo said, deciding to sit close to the pair so that Kili did not have to shift his head much in order to look at the hobbit.

The company burglar smiled down on the dwarf warmly and somewhat apologetic, fingering the hem of his jacket even as the archer eyed the being of warily.

"You do not have to worry," Bilbo said, catching this look, "For I will not talk about… Well I will not talk in any case, unless you want me too."

Kili watched as the hobbit pulled out a small needle and a string of thread, beginning to mend a small tear in the hem of his waistcoat. The small being's actions bore a gentle rhythm to them, lulling the young dwarf into a secure state, combining with the bulky warmth of his brother to almost draw him back into sleep. Almost.

"How did you find us?" the young prince asked. Bilbo glanced up from his menial task and his brow creased slightly as he thought back to the time where they had been tracking the two brothers and the company of orcs who had captured them.

"Well," he began, hands stilling in their movements, "After we realised that it had been orcs who had taken the two of you, we had a hard time trying to find a decent trail to follow to your whereabouts. A lot of the others were losing their patience trying to find a sign that was able to be followed, your uncle included, but luckily for us Nori had keen enough eyes to spy a piece of your clothing hooked on a tree branch still wet from the rain that had been the cause of the loss of tracks to follow. It took Nori ages to find the next clue leading us to you both, but once that obstacle was over, it did not take us long to see the things that our expert tracker was seeing as well. With the rest of us looking out for any signs as well, we were able to follow your tracks relatively well, though one of you must have been bleeding," Bilbo said with a small frown, "For there was a small amount of blood spotting the trail here and there…" Bilbo trailed off to cast Kili a look of expectancy, as if the brunette would fill in a few blanks.

"We were knocked out for most of the time they were traveling to the cave you found us in," the youth said smoothly in the same soft voice he had used before, though a slight tightness was evident in his tone. He remembered well enough that the few places there had been blood splatter had been the few places where either one or both brothers had regained consciousness enough to try and fight against the orcs. Those few times had then resulted in the giving of one or two minor wounds to subdue the struggling dwarves, at one point delivering a blow hard enough to cause blood to spurt from Fili's nose for a good while before it stopped, the scarlet fluid dripping down the back of the orc who had been carrying him, not that the orc seemed to care.

Kili tried to calm his breathing, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth as the hobbit in front of him rambled on. Fili, still wrapped deep in his slumber, seemed to realise the turmoil his brother was trying to fight back his hand already around his brother squeezing the brunette's arm ever so slightly, but firmly enough to give the final push Kili needed to force all those memories back down.

A small bird flew into the mouth of the cave, stirring up a commotion as it fluttered around, chirping with much confusion as it alighted on one surface only to shoot straight back up into the air in order to avoid a flying boot or ladle. How Fili managed to sleep through the commotion was astounding in itself, but Kili, who was wide awake, followed the path of the boot with his eyes, turning his head every so often to keep up with the erratic flight pattern of the small and elegant creature.

The bird was quite beautiful, sleek in shape and feathers the appealing black and white colour of a regular starling. The innocent animal, so full of life as it flittered from one corner of the temporary dwelling of the company to another. Its song was beautiful, easily the most beautiful thing that Kili had heard in weeks. He smiled as it continued on through the air.

"Somebody shut that damn thing up," growled Dwalin, turning over and plugging his ears with his fingers. Gloin grunted in annoyance and threw the object nearest to him at the living missile still unable to find its way out of the cave entrance. The small body fell to the cave floor with a dull thud. Kili closed his eyes as the last echo of the bird's song faded.

Why was it that everything good always had to be destroyed? That nothing could just be left to be what it was without any interference from anything else?

Kili opened his eyes to the silence of the cave as they realised how accurate the hit had been. Bilbo caught the brunette staring at the small body in between the two of them. He offered the archer a sad look as he gathered up the limp figure in the jacket he had shed and then carried it outside into the light of the early morning, leaving Kili staring blankly at the place the corpse had been only moments before.

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**Did you like it? Review and tell me (and thanks for all the reviews so far).**


	17. Hatred

**Here you go, the next chapter that I could have uploaded last night had I not crashed before I had the chance to (yes, even I need my sleep sometimes). In any case, I hope you enjoy this. The end is near folks, the end is near (though still got several chapters to go).**

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**Chapter 17: Hatred**

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When Fili awoke, his right leg was numb from his younger brother lying on it all night, and continuing to do so even now. Retracting his arm from around the brunette, Fili yawned and stretched as best as he could with a brown haired dwarf growth attached to one of his legs.

It was a relief being able to wake whenever they wanted without being woken forcibly or having the fear that they would become wargs meat if they, for some reason, did not wake after a while. That was why it had been better for at least one of them to be awake at all times, especially when the orcs were in more of a foul or restless mood. The lesson they had learned was still branded into the blonde's mind like it had happened yesterday, not weeks ago.

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_"If they have not yet awoken, they may very well not wake," a voice said above him and his brother, a voice that he recognised from days of terror and pain at the orc's hands._

_"Then what are we to do?" another voice asked, this one lacking both the confidence and authority of the first._

_"Why waste good meat when our steeds are frothing at the mouths in the anticipation of a good feed?" the original voice said in a tone both laced with malice and power._

_ "Ah…" the lower class orc breathed, understanding what his leader was getting at, "It shall be as you wish."_

_Fili's eyes snapped open as hands grabbed him roughly, not only from the pain of his wound being jostled, but from the terror of the fate he was about to meet. The blonde began to fight the hands holding him as he was lifted off the rocky ground, on the verge of a complete panic. He did not want to die being eaten alive by the savage mounts of his enemy._

_Fili felt himself being dropped to the ground as his struggles increased in both strength and volume, adrenaline giving his limbs power even though his hands and feet were still tied together. He hit the ground with a thud, the wind rushing out of his lungs in one breath, the blonde ceasing his movements at the same time. Kili slammed into the floor at the same time, having awoken at the manhandling of his person as well._

_"So the scum are awake at last," Fili heard their captor say in a hard tone, as several kicks were aimed towards the two dwarves on the floor in an attempt to get them to stop moving. It worked and Fili barely held back a groan as two of his fingers on his right hand somehow ending up crushed beneath a boot. Beside him, Kili let out the tiniest of whimpers as his broken wrist shifted, the small sound lost in the barking of the wargs who could sense their masters' excitement, the wargs the two young dwarves had almost been fed to, all because they were caught after being sent scouting on a journey to a mountain that they had little, if no hope in reclaiming._

_Some journey, really._

_There were several cries of disappointment as it became clear to the orcs above them that the two captive dwarves were not becoming warg chow, but their excitement soon built up again at their leader's next words, words which sent a chill down Fill's spine._

_"Maybe we should let them entertain us," the orc suggested, a cruel and cunning twist to his lips, "Just like they have been the last few times, but on a more… Well let's take it up a notch shall we."_

_The blonde dwarf lying at the creature's feet froze for a mere instance, but that instance was enough for panic to begin to take over._

Mahal, _he swore inside of his mind,_ what can they have planned for us now?

_Beside him, his brother's slower than usual breathing betrayed his state of mind as well. It seemed that both were trying to keep as calm as possible, trying not to let the being above them know how much he had shaken them with his words. But the orc saw it in their eyes and their fear pleased him._

_"Draw them up, cut their bindings," he ordered, "But make sure they do not try to break free."_

_His orders were followed and soon the two heirs of Durin found themselves facing each other, restrained by their captors who had now formed a ring in the centre of the cave. Fili was liking this even less and less, realising what the orcs intended for them to do._

_"Arm them with a knife," commanded the overseer of the whole thing._

_At these words a look of dread crossed over Kili's face, and Fili knew that the archer knew what they would be expected to do. As the cold metal of a single knife was pressed into the blonde's hands, the prince tried to communicate with his brother through using his eyes alone, but Kili had shut them tight, perhaps thinking that if he could not see the scene before him unfold, than it would no longer be true. He opened his eyes again slowly, as if he were reluctant to face reality, and Fili couldn't really blame the brunette for thinking like that._

_"Try not to kill each other," the orc in charge said lazily as the two brothers were pushed towards each other, the wall of orcs around them solidifying so that there was no possible way out._

_The two siblings circled each, neither of them wanting to make the first move, to be the first one to cause harm to the other, especially not after what they had been forced to do in the past few days. Kili was limping slightly, his injured hand held close to his chest as he tried to anticipate his brother's moves. Fili too was incapacitated, having to use his left hand because the fingers on his other hand that had been stomped on were refusing to move._

_In the end it was Fili who launched the first 'attack', lunging towards his brother at what would seem like breakneck speed, but allowing enough time for his brother to duck. Kili seemed to acknowledge what he was doing and feinted left and right, each time restraining himself like they had back when they had trained with real weapons in the Blue Mountains. The pair continued on like this, drawing a few drops of blood from each other every now and then to make it seem as though they really were fighting. However, when Fili felt himself stumbling, it went downhill from there._

_The blonde crashed to the ground heavily as he ploughed headfirst into the dirt, stubbing his toe on the fair sized stone that had tripped him up. His sides heaved up and down as he tried to regain his breath, his limb shaky from the overexertion. Kili halted where he was, unsure of what to do for several moments before he finally dropped his hand holding the knife, letting the weapon fall to the ground with a dull thud. Instantly there was a roar of disapproval from the orc in charge of the others._

_"What is this?" he bellowed, both the two dwarves and the beings own men wincing at the loudness of his voice, "I did not tell you to stop. Take up the knife and get on with it." Fili knew that these words were not directed at him, and he could only watch in horror as his little brother shot him a small smile, eyes showing the battle within himself as the archer turned to face his captor._

_"No," he said simply, not a tremor in his voice as he defiantly stared the orc in front of him down. There was silence throughout the cave, even the wargs outside stopping in their movements as if they understood the gravity of what the dwarfish prince had just done._

_"No?," breathed the orcish leader, too outraged to raise his voice higher, "You do not have the authority to tell me no here dwarf scum."_

_Fili watched as two orcs grabbed hold of his brother, turning him to face the blonde. The orc in charge walked towards the fallen prince who now struggled to rise. But the creature would have none of this and viciously kicked Fili in the side, the young dwarf crying out in pain as he felt at least one of his ribs snap. But even through the fog that now clouded his brain, alarm bells went off as his abuser turned to his younger brother._

_A loud 'thwack' filled the cave, and Kili sagged briefly against the hands holding him up, one eye swelling up and blood trickling from one corner of his mouth as the orc who had hit him withdrew a fist easily the size of half the brunette's face._

_"Next time, do as I say or the consequences will be far worse," he growled, before nodding to several of the orcs around him, "Bind them and take them away from me, for I do not wish to see them again at this time."_

_In no time at all, both dwarves laid bound at the back of the cave, the orcs ignoring them as they went around their business. Fili gave his brother a pitying look._

_"That was stupid," he said in a voice only loud enough for Kili to hear beside him. The brunette turned his head and gave him a sad look in return through his one good eye._

_"I wasn't going to kill you, brother," he said simply, "No matter what they would have done to me." And Fili believed him, just as Kili believed the blonde would have done the same thing if their positions had been switched._

* * *

The blonde accepted a bowl of some sort of stew from Bombur, his eyes fixed on a point in the distance, his mind still reliving the moments back in the other cave and the time before that, thinking over what they could have done differently in order to have escaped the fate delivered to both him and his brother so cruelly by the orcs. Fili doubted either of them would ever recover after what they had been through, and as he pondered how this all could have been prevented, his mind kept on coming back to the same nine words.

Neither of them should have come on the quest. In fact, agreeing to go on it was probably the biggest mistake they had made in their lives.

"What are you thinking about?" he heard his brother mumble, brown eyes blinking up at him, eyes belonging to a being he had not been able to protect.

"Nothing much," Fili lied easily, not wanting to burden his already weighed down brother with his own dark thoughts, "Just that this stew is actually edible for once." Kili did not crack a grin, and Fili did not expect him too. He understood too well what his brother was going through.

Again Fili cursed the mountain he had once been eager to call his home. If not for that mountain, neither of them would be here now, wounded in more ways than one.

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**REVEIW! I love getting them (and you are all too kind to me). **


	18. Dispute

**Updated for you (want to try and get this up before DOS comes out - IT'S SO CLOSE!). Anyway, enjoy. I hope it is alright, though the ending may be a bit weird.**

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**Chapter 18: Dispute**

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To the company, it was like watching a ball bounce repeatedly back and forth nonstop, getting nowhere except for back to the other side. Fili was glaring at Thorin, and Thorin was staring angrily back at his nephew. Kili was beside them, trying his best to pretend that they were not arguing, let alone doing it in such close proximity to him. The rest of the company were in the awkward position of hearing something they knew they had no real input in.

"My, what a lovely day it is," Bofur remarked loudly, "I think I may just take some time to _go_ and sit _outside_ and watch the birds fly around." He exited the cave and the rest of the company soon followed cue, leaving the three heirs of Durin by themselves, of which one definitely did not want to be there to witness the shouting match.

"What is wrong if I think neither me or Kili should continue on this quest?" Fili shot at his uncle, blue eyes blazing with ill-disguised rage.

"Because you said you do not want to continue because Erebor is not worth dying for," Thorin bellowed back in a rage.

"Well it's not," Fili said, hands clenched into fists at his side, "I would rather die for something of worth than for a city that has long since been abandoned."

"Do you care nothing for your birthright?"

"No," the blonde said coldly, "I do not."

"Too bad boy, because it is in your blood whether you like it or not," Thorin informed him with a dangerous air. Had either of them been smart, they would have backed down then and there, but both dwarves were equally stubborn and equally filled with rage.

"Blood that has been spilled in the name of reclaiming _your_ lost kingdom and we are not even halfway there yet," Fili replied, "So forgive me if I think that the journey is not worth it."

"Not worth it?" Thorin asked incredulously, "Do you know how many have died in an attempt to win back our people's rightful home? More than I could count in one lifetime."

"That just goes to show how much hope we have at succeeding, doesn't it?" Fili stated, his heart turned rock hard at all thoughts regarding Erebor.

"Your great grandfather was killed in an unspeakable manner in order to reclaim Moria, and your grandfather, my father, went missing years ago while searching for the secret to help him reclaim Erebor," Thorin told his nephew in an attempt to sway his argument.

"Thror was dead long before my time, and your father went missing before mother even fell pregnant with me," Fili said, rendering his uncle's former argument worthless, "I never knew them and most likely never will.

"Do their deaths mean so little to you?" Thorin inquired, the fire in his own eyes burning at a dangerous level.

"No, but Erebor does," the blonde replied right on queue.

"If your mother could hear you speaking-" Thorin began.

"She would side with me," Fili finished, "She would rather us return safely than have us die because we are off on a quest to reclaim a home that is supposedly better than the one we have in the Blue Mountains."

"I would not be so sure," the blonde's uncle told him, a dark frown furrowing his brow, "For Erebor is her home and she wants it back every bit as much as I do."

"Then you are both fools," Fili snarled, "What use is there in hoping for something that will only end in death."

"I am glad you have so much faith in this quest," Thorin informed him sarcastically.

"Why should I after what has happened?" Fili answered, his words hanging in the air like a toxic gas.

"Because it won't happen again," Thorin roared.

"You can't assure me of that," Fili said, his voice icy.

"I can try," Thorin growled, staring his nephew down, daring the youth to contradict him.

"But what if it does happen again?" Fili asked, not ready to back down, "What if this time we don't just get hurt? What if this time one of us dies? Then would your precious journey be worth so much?"

"You question things you do not understand," Thorin said, anger making his voice ugly, "Things you cannot even begin to comprehend."

"Then enlighten me," Fili challenged. The dark haired dwarf opposite him opened his mouth to answer with a barbed reply, but he was beaten by another, much angrier voice.

"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!" Kili bellowed not even acknowledging the discomfort raising his caused him, "JUST SHUT UP!"

The brunette was in a sitting position, breathing heavily through his nose as he glared his two kinsmen down, fingernails drawing blood from being pressed so hard against the skin of his palms. His eyes were wild and seemingly conflicted; anger, fear and despair all mingled into one large concoction of uncontrollable emotion.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT EITHER OF YOU DO," he continued, still shouting at the top of his lungs, "BUT I REFUSE TO BE A PART OF THIS MADNESS ANY LONGER!"

Fili and Thorin stared at their youngest relative, mouths slightly agape as the young dwarf began to struggle to regain control of himself and his tsunami of emotions. Fury radiated off the archer in waves, fury that was directed at a lot of things, not just his two arguing family. The brunette was angry at a lot of this; the orcs, Erebor, his uncle, Fili, even himself. Every moment, both waking and otherwise, he spent in fear, fear of being caught again by the orcs, of being forced to repeat what he was trying to forget. The young dwarf just couldn't take it anymore, and Kili was surprised he hadn't snapped sooner. As it was, the brunette immediately dissolved into tears.

Both older dwarves came out of their shock at Kili's outburst as soon as tears began to track down his face. Fili shifted so he was seated next to his brother before allowing the younger dwarf to sob into his shoulder. Thorin hovered for a moment before retreating to the back of the cave, giving his nephews some much needed space. He was still riled by what Fili had said, but more than that he was afraid what would happen to his nephews if he let them out of his sight. He would not be able to protect them if they turned back, for he _had_ to reclaim Erebor in name of all those who had died trying, his father, father's father, and his brother included. He also could not spare Dwalin; if he could, he might have given the idea more of a thought, yet Dwalin was one dwarf he could not spare. In fact, the exiled king had a feeling that he would be needing them all when he faced the dragon.

After a while, the rest of the company tentatively began to filter back into the cave, wary of the mood that might be eradiating from the three dwarves they had left behind. They were greeted, however, by a fragile sort of calm, Thorin thinking in one corner, Fili murmuring to his brother who would sniff every now and then. Balin was the first sent in for it was thought he would best be able to reflect any anger directed his way, and the white bearded dwarf was glad that the three heirs seemed to have come to some sort of agreement, or had at least dropped the subject for now.

"What am I going to do?" the old advisor heard Thorin ask as Balin made himself comfortable besides his king, "For I do not want to risk losing them again on this journey, but to send them back would be a risk in itself."

"Sleep on it. The answer will come to you," Balin offered, stretching his back and sending his brother a reprimanding glance. The tall dwarf withdrew from where he had been sneaking up on Bofur in order to get him back for a few comments the latter had passed outside.

"I can only hope," he heard Thorin mutter darkly to himself.

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**Please review. *blinks eyes at you repeatedly***


	19. Afraid

**Alright, here you go. This is technically the second last chapter (but I am including an epilogue at Tweetzone86's request). In any case, I have no idea whether this is good or bad and whether this fic will end well (quality wise), so I just hope you enjoy it. (chapter title's will be, like always, a bit random).**

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**Chapter 19: Afraid**

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Bilbo twiddled his thumbs, looking over towards where Fili and Kili were situated, both sleeping somewhat fitfully, but peacefully enough for the time being. The day had quickly passed into night again, with Bilbo and Bofur both being set up for the first watch. The toymaker was stationed at the front of the cave, his hat slipped down his face, but very much awake no matter what his appearance might suggest.

The hobbit, like the rest of the company, was worried about what continuing on with the journey would mean for the two brothers, neither of whom were yet fully healed. He, like the rest, had heard the argument between Fili and his uncle and had chosen to remain neutral. Whatever happened, it would not fall upon his head, the hobbit would make sure of it. He would bear no responsibility for the outcome of whatever decision was made, especially since he himself did not hold a particularly high standing in the group.

The company burglar would be lying if he said that it wasn't daunting and a bit off-putting being stuck in a group of thirteen dwarves of whom he had not even known existed until they turned up on his doorstep. To be frank, he agreed with Fili. He did not want to die reclaiming some lost city that he had never set foot in. He looked towards where the blonde lay sleeping with his brother and nodded to himself. Maybe the young dwarf would be able to convince Thorin to stop this quest so they could all survive.

Bilbo frowned as he glanced at the brunette, the youth thrashing slightly in his sleep, holding up his good hand as if to ward off an attack. A quick look to his right showed that Bofur seemed not to have noticed, so it was left to the hobbit to deal with the issue before it escalated and woke the whole company.

The company burglar moved closer to the distressed dwarf, making sure to remain at a far enough distance in case a or foot suddenly came his way. The archer would mean to hurt him, Bilbo knew that much, but while trapped in a nightmare about who knew what, the small being decided it was best not to take any chances. Stretching out one arm, the hobbit proceeded to poke the young dwarf awake.

"Kili," he whispered in a sharp voice, "Kili, wake up!"

This, however, did no good and the prince remained captive within his own mind. Bilbo almost growled in frustration, edging a bit closer in order to properly shake the archer back into consciousness.

"Wake up," he urged, taking a hold of the brunette's shoulder and shaking firmly. Kili just swatted away his hand weakly, beginning to mumble a stream of indecipherable words as a flash of fear crossed his face.

The hobbit swallowed his frustration, knowing that the next phase would probably include some kind of screaming.

"Kili, come on," Bilbo said loudly, though not loudly enough to wake the others. He shook the dwarf again and this time it worked, Kili's eyes flying open as he let out a short cry.

The brunette regained control of his breathing for a few moments before taking in the round face next to him. He offered a small smile to the being beside him, though his brown eyes were somewhat distant.

"I'm fine," he said automatically, his gaze still lock on something visible to his eyes and his eyes alone. Bilbo regarded him with a sympathetic look.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the hobbit asked softly, Kili readjusting his eyes to focus upon the being whose last words hung in the air. For a moment Bilbo thought his question was going to go unanswered, but then the dwarf opened his mouth to reply.

"And what good would that do?" the brunette said, his voice both sad and serious, bearing none of the mockery he would have used in the past. Bilbo looked the youth in the eye, trying to see beneath the flinty brown surface.

"Maybe it could help to make the nightmares go away, or lessen them in any case," Bilbo suggested.

"I doubt anything could do that," Kili said bitterly, his face so uncharacteristically broody, "Not even time. Not after what I have witnessed."

"You could try. There would be no harm in it," the hobbit answered. Kili looked at him before sighing.

"I suppose you are right," he said softly, his hands clenching the fabric of his blanket. He shivered unconsciously, but whether it was from the memory of his nightmare or the cold breeze that had just drifted through the cave Bilbo did not know.

"That's the spirit," Bilbo encouraged, more than a little surprised that the archer had taken to the idea.

The hobbit waited for Kili to speak again, not wanting to push him into anything, but also not wanting to rush him so that he became overwhelmed. If he was to guess how long the brunette needed, he would have guessed a while, for something as terrible as what he had been dreaming would surely not be easy to summon back voluntarily let alone talk about it to someone who probably had no hope of understanding how bad the dream actually was.

"It was about…_them_," Kili finally said in a shaky voice, unable to bring himself to say the name of those that had tortured him, or just unwilling to. Bilbo would not judge him for it. He had a hard enough time saying their names himself without the icy chill of fear rolling down his spine.

"What happened?" the hobbit prompted, offering a reassuring smile as Kili looked to him with ill-disguised fear.

"They…well, they…"

"Look, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Bilbo said, the sincerity in his face contemplating his statement.

"No, I want to," Kili urged, "Like you said, it could help." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself, but Bilbo let it pass.

"You could take it slowly," Bilbo said, "One thing at a time. I don't need to hear everything." Kili shot him a grateful smile before taking a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few moments before reopening them.

"Th…they were there," he said, a slight tremor to his words, "And so was Fili. They were laughing at us, surrounding us in a circle." His breathing picked up pace, but he continued anyway. "We were in the cave, but surrounded on all sides by rock. There was no exit, no escape. They…they made Fili and I…"

"What?" Bilbo asked, "What did they make you do?"

"We…we had to fight each other, and we couldn't back out or else they would kill us both," Kili said in a tortured voice, "One after the other…and…and…"

His words cut out there, chocked off by a large lump that had welled up inside of the brunette's throat. Bilbo watched as Kili began to rock back and forth, his hands twisting the fabric they were clenching again and again as if that action alone could ward off whatever thoughts were running through his mind. This was not what shocked the hobbit however, Kili's words had done that.

So, the two brothers had been forced to hurt each other, just as several members of the company had feared. No wonder why they were so…broken.

A hitch in the breathing of the dwarf beside him snapped Bilbo back to the scene unfolding before his eyes.

"You've got to calm down," the hobbit cried, hands pulling at his hair as he tried to think.

"How?" Kili panted, struggling to draw in any real amount of air. At the entrance to the cave, Bofur had tensed, like he wanted to intervene but wasn't sure how.

"Take a deep breath," Bilbo said hastily, eyes wide in alarm at the erratic way the dwarf in front of him was breathing.

"I'm trying," Kili gasped, hunched over as he fought the breath.

"Think happy thoughts," the company burglar suggested, "Like the face Dwalin pulls when you pull a prank on him." This obviously did not help, the idea only serving to further speed up Kili's breathing, sending him into an almost full out panic attack.

"Kili," Bofur suddenly said, materialising in front of the dwarf and taking the youth's face in his hands, "Think about the first time you shot a bow. Think about how good that felt." The archer blinked several times before his breathing began to calm. Bilbo let out a sigh of relief.

"I do not want to continue on," Kili said after a short while, his head bowed, hair hanging in a curtain across his face. His shoulders shook, but neither Bilbo nor Bofur mentioned it.

"No one is going to force you to do anything," Bofur said gently before rising and drifting back to his previous position, "You should sleep if you can."

Kili nodded, head still bowed, before hesitating for a moment, something obviously on his mind that he wanted to say.

"Please don't tell anyone else of this, especially not Thorin."

Bilbo looked at the young dwarf and an intense feeling of empathy gripped his heart.

"I will not tell anyone," he answered, glancing quickly at Bofur who was watching them carefully, or at least the youngest of the company in any case. After a moment, the toymaker gave a brief nod.

"Aye, I will keep this a secret for you laddie," he answered.

"Thank you," Kili replied in a small voice.

Bilbo turned back to Kili, placing his hands upon the dwarf's own clasped ones. He smiled warmly.

"You do not need to thank us," he said gently, "For we are your friends after all."

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**Good enough for a review?**


	20. Yet we go on

**Have no idea whether this is a good end chapter, but thanks to So-Sings-Nightingales, Tweetzone86, Gregsmadhatter and smiles811988 (your review gave me an idea). But fear not, I have an epilogue to write before I'm done.**

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**Chapter 20: Yet we go on**

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Thorin chewed the inside of his mouth, thinking. He was worrying, he knew it, but the dark haired dwarf could not help himself. The issue that was on his mind kept on coming back every time he attempted to push it away, overwhelming him.

"They'll be fine," Dwalin said beside him as the company trekked further up the mountain range.

"How can you know that?" Thorin replied, his words caught by the wind that was whipping around them. Several of the company members drew their coats closer around themselves. Dwalin sighed as he hunched forward more, the chill of the air making him curl in on himself.

"Bofur and Bifur will look after them, you can be sure of it," the burly dwarf replied, his voice firm on all counts, "They have no wish to see your nephews harmed further."

"I suppose you are right," Thorin said, giving in to his friend's reasoning, "But it would not be right if I did not worry."

"No, it would not," Dwalin agreed, chuckling, "Both you and Dis have been worrying after the pair of them since they were born, and that only increased at the passing of their father. I do not think it will stop now. I am surprised they know anything of the outside world after how much the pair of you coddled them." Thorin glared at the bald dwarf indignantly.

"Are you suggesting that our raising of Fili and Kili was wrong?" he asked in a calm yet dangerous voice. Dwalin shook his head, still grinning.

"No, but both you and your sister were not the harshest of guardians," he answered.

"I can show you harsh if you really want," Thorin muttered darkly, not pleased that his softer side was being made fun of by the seasoned warrior. Dwalin just shook his head.

"I do not think you will," he teased, "You are too soft for that."

"Argh, be gone with you," the exiled king cried in exasperation, shooing his friend away from him, leaving him to mull over his thoughts in peace.

It had only been a day since the company had split into two separate groups, yet in that day Thorin had come to realise just how important this journey was; certainly not as important as the lives of his nephews. Still, they had both regained the ability to walk a short distance per day, though the wait for that had taken a long while. It had been worth it though, at least to Thorin, for his mind was not as weighed down as it would have been had they of left Fili and Kili when they were still somewhat incapacitated.

That was another thing on the exiled king's mind; his decision to leave the pair.

It had not been easy, he would say that much, but in the end it had probably been the right thing to do. As Balin had pointed out when Thorin had asked him for advice on the matter for a second time, if they were to come face to face with the orcs again, which was a given likelihood, the two brothers would more than likely either freeze up or go into a complete panic. This in turn would be a liability if the company was to go into battle, with them all having to defend themselves as well as both Fili and Kili. The white bearded dwarf had expressed his concern that if the company became too small they might not be able to face Smaug on a level they were all comfortable with. The old dwarf had also said that it would the company would be better lacking three or four of its members rather than retaining them all at the cost of two being unreliable in the worst of situations.

That had not been the only reason why Thorin had order his nephews (much to their obvious relief) to return to the Blue Mountains in the company of Bofur and Bifur. What Kili had said the night after the argument between the exiled king and Fili had struck the chords of Thorin's heart, the dwarf hearing them after being unable to sleep due to the conflict within his own mind. It was then that the dark haired dwarf had realised that his two exuberant nephews could never be the same, would never be the same again. No longer were they eager for a chance to go on the quest and prove themselves, that much had been clear in what both of them had to say, and the reason more so in the younger's confession.

_"We had to fight each other, and we couldn't back out or else they would kill us both."_

These words had cut through Thorin like no other words ever had. To think that his nephews had been used against each other for the sole purpose of bringing harm to one another was preposterous. Sure before he may have suspected, even acknowledged that it had been the truth, but to know for sure… And what Kili had said after them, after the panic attack that Bofur had managed so well with the aid of the hobbit, had been enough to make up Thorin's conflicting mind on what to do.

_"I do not want to continue on."_

The same words his brother had said, only in a different context and at a time where Thorin was not so worked up on the stress of the entire situation, a time where the company leader had been more than willing to listen. As it was, however, these words had not been the ones to cause the most sorrow to stir in Thorin's heart.

Thorin had been on the brink of getting up to help comfort his youngest nephew, to tell the brunette there was nothing to worry about, to do something other than just lay there in shock from the dwarf's first admission. He had hesitated when Bofur had seemed to have gained control of the situation, but had resolved to push forward with his idea. He had just raised the upper part of his body ever so slightly, tensing the muscles in his arms and legs to stand slowly in order not to disturb anyone around him when Kili had said the one thing that had left him completely and utterly drained.

_"Please don't tell anyone else of this, especially not Thorin."_

Why the young archer wouldn't want to tell him, or even Fili for that matter was a mystery to him. Surely the brunette could not be that afraid of what he, as the youth's uncle, would think of him if he had been told the truth. Still, he had confessed to Bofur, which was why Thorin had chosen the toymaker to be one of the dwarves to escort his nephews back the way the company had come. That and the fact that the dwarf's generally cheery outlook was exactly what both Fili and Kili needed.

Again Thorin found himself wondering how the group of four was fairing, only paying attention to his surroundings enough to be able to lead the way of the company as accurately as he could and to avoid any mishaps that might occur with the treacherous footing beneath him.

* * *

Fili watched as the sun passed overhead, its rays of golden light rebounding off the rocks situated around the blonde dwarf and through the greenery that looked so full of life.

"If your hair was any brighter," the young dwarf could hear Bofur chuckle from behind him, "I am sure we would all be blinded when we looked upon you." Fili allowed a smile to tug at his lips, his brother's eyes lighting up in amusement beside him, but neither of them replied, still somewhat wary with what could be potentially lurking about.

Bofur fell into a period of silence, not at all disappointed with the lack of response. If Fili was to say one thing about the dwarf, it would be that he was persistent. If he wanted to get a laugh out of you, he would no matter how hard you tried not to fall for his antics.

A fly buzzed lazily past his ear, the cold but gentle breeze refreshing upon the faces of the four dwarves making their slow way back to Rivendell and from there, would begin to trek back to the Blue Mountains once Fili and Kili had recovered further. For now, it would just be a relief to get out of the wild and the dangers it held.

The blonde felt somewhat peaceful, the argument with his uncle all those days before forgotten, or at least buried deep in his mind somewhere. Thorin had come to Fili the next day, apologising for venting his frustrations at him. Fili had not apologised for there was nothing that he said that he wanted to take back. Thankfully his uncle seemed to understand this. He had also come to finally understand the young heir's standing on the matter of continuing on with the journey. It had been then that the exiled king had given his order that they return back home.

Glancing towards his brother, Fili was more than relived that this had been the final decision. Kili had been hurt too much in the blonde's eyes already, and just the mere potential of further harm was enough to sour any idea of heroic efforts to reclaim a city long lost to a dragon. Not for all the gold in the world, artificial or otherwise, would the blonde ever want to risk losing his brother again to a fate as or even more horrific than the one they had already experienced.

"You know what I really love about mountains," Bofur said, beginning to ramble if only to fill up the space so clearly absent of words, "Is the fact that it gives you a sense of freedom, makes you feel as if you are not as caged in as you would have thought."

The talk of cages and freedom brought up an unbidden memory in Fili's mind. There had been a question a little earlier than the day that the company had parted ways that had been asked by Ori. The timid dwarf had meant no harm by it, but the answer was something that Fili had been unwilling to talk about, not that Ori minded. He had just developed tis sympathetic, slightly pity look and had then proceeded to move away. Did they ever try to escape? Of course they would have tried.

* * *

_"Ready?" Fili asked, eyeing the orcs around them warily. It had been several days since their capture and both he and Kili were ready to leg it out of there._

_"Aye," Kili answered, speaking as softly as his brother whilst nodding in the dark, "I am."_

_"Alright then," Fili replied, "Let's do this."_

_Slowly the eldest of the two brothers stood, carefully avoiding going outside the small circle of space that was around the pair of dwarves, walled off by deeply sleeping orcs. The blonde then turned to Kili and offered his hand, ignoring the small amount of pain that his wounds were inflicting on him. The brunette winced, legs stiff, but after a quick look over, Fili determined that he was well enough to attempt what they were about to do._

_Slowly they weaved their way through the generally unresponsive bodies of the orcs, not rushing, but not taking forever either. It was almost too easy the way that their escape plan was working, Fili reflect, but the young dwarf pushed it down to mere luck._

_Nearing the entrance of the cave, Fili spied a discarded pile of bones on the floor, left over from the last meal that his captors had eaten. Both he and his brother's hands were still tied, but as the blonde softly rooted through the pile, his eyes lighting up when he found one sharp enough to cut through the bonds tying his and Kili's hands together._

_Fili allowed the brunette to free himself first, holding the shard of bone in both hands as Kili rubbed the rope back and forth along it. It took a while, but soon he was free, and a little later, Fili was too._

_The brothers had to work hard to hide their excitement as they neared the open mouth of the cave. They could not believe how well their plan was working, nor how stupid the orcs were not to have left any real guards around, the ones supposedly on the job slouched against the walls of the cave. A little bell of doubt rang in Fili's head, but all he could think of was getting out of the mess they had found themselves buried in._

_This eagerness to escape and ignorance of what was awaiting them outside was what ultimately failed their plan._

_When Fili stepped outside of the cave, he turned to ensure that his brother was right behind him. It was then that the blonde saw the pair of glowing eyes above them. These eyes blinked once slowly, a low growling starting up as more and more pairs of eyes joined the first. Fili breathed out as quietly as he could, eyes not flickering from the glowing stares above him. In inwardly cursed himself for forgetting about the wargs._

_"Kili," he said softly and slowly, "Come towards me slowly and do not turn around."_

_The younger dwarf hesitated for only a second before complying to his brother's wishes, knowing to trust the blonde's words. The brunette slowly edged forward, and Fili had almost allowed a sigh of relief to escape him when it became obvious it had all been for naught._

_"Move it," the young prince cried to Kili, leaping at the same time to grab the startled dwarf by the hand and pull him forward. It was not a moment too soon as a moment later the space was occupied by a warg salivating from the anticipation of a large meal. More joined the creature, but by that time both Fili and Kili were away, running across the ground in an effort to put as much distance between themselves and the cave as they could._

_It was not to be, however, with the two dwarves barely reaching the tree line when they were finally surrounded by their captors mounts. Fili tensed for a fight, knowing that if he could distract the beasts, Kili might be able to escape. His brother, however, seemed to catch on to what he was about to do._

_"No," he said softly, "It is together or not at all." Fili smiled gratefully at the brunette as the shouting that had started only a few moments ago grew closer, the voices clearly angry._

_"Aye, we will face this together."_

* * *

The memory itself was bitter, but as Fili recalled the final moments of it, suddenly the image did not seem all that bad. That was far from the truth, the blonde knew, for it would have been far better if at least Kili had been spared from what had happened, but he would not fail to admit that his brother's unwillingness to leave him alone to face a fate at the hands of the orcs was something that he had been grateful for in those dark days.

Glancing at Kili beside him, the golden haired dwarf sighed inwardly, mentally berating himself for his selfish desires. Had they both not been there, then neither of them would have been forced to harm each other.

"Let's take a break," Bofur said from his place behind the two brothers, "You both must be pretty exhausted."

Fili sunk to a sitting position, sliding down the back of a small, rocky cliff face, eager to take the weight off his already tired legs. The blonde remembered well his first attempt to stand after the rescue and was somewhat glad he had not nearly face planted himself all over again. Dwalin had managed to catch him in time, though barely, and instead of one, two dwarves fell in a twisted heap on the ground.

Stretching his weaker leg before him, the young prince allowed himself to exhale a heavy breath. He wondered how his uncle was fairing on the journey to Erebor and whether he and the company had run into any trouble as of yet.

* * *

It was only a short while before they continued on again at the same slow and steady pace as before, Bifur and Bofur having swapped places with each other. Fili and Kili remained in the middle, not that the brunette minded. He just plodded along the path they had walked once before, picking at his still splinted hand.

From the corner of his eye, Kili could see his brother limping ever so slightly and swallowed the guilt that came with the image. The blonde was healing, and that was good enough for now. The wound had not been crippling in any way, and Fili had insisted that it was stupid that Kili should feel guilt over causing it, considering the circumstances they had been in. Still, the young archer doubted if the guilt was ever going to go away, not over something like this.

Looking back ahead, Kili smiled slightly in amusement at the jokes that Bofur was cracking, The toymaker was in a happy mood even if the two dwarves immediately behind him could only move forward on step at a time. Even Bifur was chortling softly to himself, though the brunette doubted he could understand half of what was going on. The joyful mood almost made Kili forget about the orcs that were still lurking around, but the fear was still there. For what might have been the hundredth time that morning, the youth glanced fearfully around at his surroundings.

A reassuring hand brushed past his own and Kili found his gaze drawn away from the foreboding shadows beneath the trees and towards his brother's startling blue eyes. The blonde offered a small smile, seeming to understand what his brother's uneasiness was all about. Kili allowed his lips to twitch a little in a small acknowledgement of thanks. Bofur, however, chose that moment to strike up a song.

_"O, there once was a drinking man,_

_Who was as wide as he was tall,_

_And one day challenged a dwarf,_

_To a drinking game in his mighty hall._

_He rolled out six barrels of wine,_

_And six hundred of his best ale,_

_Upon which the dwarf,_

_Had hopes that he would bail._

_O, there once was a drinking man,_

_Who was a smart as he was dumb,_

_And one day challenged a dwarf,_

_To a drinking game with bottles of rum._

_The dwarf and man sat down,_

_On opposite sides of the table,_

_And proceeded to drink it all up,_

_After which the man was unstable._

_O, there once was a drinking man,_

_Who would lose instead of win,_

_On the day he challenged a dwarf,_

_Who went by the name of Balin."_

The toymaker took a bow, having stopped short and turning around as he picked up the speed of the song, dancing around to the tune in front of the two princes and his cousin. Kili offered the dwarf a now rare smile, the song having mesmerised him with its tune, a tune that was now running through his mind, distracting him from his previous thoughts.

"That was well done," Fili acknowledged, his brother nodding his head in agreement beside him. Bofur's eyes sparkled at more than just the praise.

"Very well, if you think it is that good I will provide you with an encore," the dwarf said.

_"O, there once was a drinking man…"_

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**The song is bad, I know, but at least it was a long chapter.**

**Review please.**


	21. Epilogue

**Here you go, the last ever update for this story. I hope you enjoy it though I am not sure how well it turned out, and just so you know, this was part of the prompt. **

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**Chapter 21: Epilogue**

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The day was a quiet one, just like every other day after they had returned home from an uneventful journey back. Fili did not mind it though; the quiet was quite peaceful. Dis, however, was worried about the state of her two sons, not at all pleased about the condition they had returned in. The dwarfish woman had not been happy to let both her sons go on the quest, and the fact that they had been harmed on a massive scale did not bode well with her. She would have loved to have known what happened, but neither of her boys would talk to her.

Fili felt some guilt at shutting his mother out, of keeping her in the dark, but it was nothing compared to the guilt he still felt, the sense of failure that followed him everywhere he went. When they had returned, the blonde had taken over his uncle's old room, but Kili had now fallen into the habit of sneaking into bed with his brother on the nights where his own mind plagued him with nightmares so terrible they could not be described with words, not that Fili complained for he understood completely. Often he woke because of a horrific vision in his dreams, just lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling as he focused on his breathing. More than a few times, either one or both of the brothers would wake the rest of the household with their screaming. Their mother tried her best to comfort them when this happened, but there was only so much she could say or do.

Bofur visited every so often, sometimes alone and sometimes with Bifur in tow, happy to chat away to both Fili and Kili for hours on end. The toymaker needed no help in amusing the pair, though he steered carefully away from any topics relating to both the journey and Erebor. He never pushed them for answers, and Fili had recognised a sort of bond had formed between the older dwarf and his brother, prompting him to wonder what the two had shared to create something so deep.

Sitting at the worn and blemished table near the place where meals were prepared, Fili sighed to himself, looking wearily into the fire. The signs of winter were now prominent, though it would still be a while before the actual season settled like a blanket over the Blue Mountains. It was cold outside, but near the fire, it was pleasantly warm, one of the reasons why Fili had chosen this spot to sit. The orange flames of the element weaved a shell of comfort around the blonde dwarf, serving to take away some of the bad memories he carried upon his shoulders so long as he remained staring at the crackling pit of movement. This illusion was, however, broken when his mother came hurrying in, a roll of parchment clasped in one hand.

"There you are," Dis breathed, her voice sounding suspiciously grief-ridden.

"What is it?" Fili asked standing, "Is it news from uncle?" He watched in disbelief as his mother shook her head.

"It is news about Thorin," she answered, her voice somewhat teary.

"What happened?" Fili demanded, concern for his uncle overwhelming him.

"There was a battle," Dis answered, closing her eyes as she fought against a wave of tears, "A great battle against a combined force of orcs and goblins who sought to take Erebor as their own. Our side won, but at a cost."

"Has he been injured?" the blonde dwarf demanded, nerves gnawing away inside of him.

"He was injured," his mother replied to shocked ears, "But his wounds were too great. Not long after the battle he…he…"

"No," Fili breathed as his mother finally gave way to her tears, "It cannot be."

"I'm afraid it is true," Dis informed him, struggling to regain a hold on herself, "Balin himself sent the letter."

"But Thorin could never be felled," Fili said, shock still clawing away at his body and mind alike, "He was invincible in a fight. Surely this cannot be true."

"He was waylaid by a spear," Dis cried, holding her hands up to her face as she sunk into a chair beside her eldest son, "There was nothing anyone could do."

Mother and son sat beside the fire, both filled with grief before the dancing flames which now seemed so cold and far away.

"There is more," Dis informed the youth beside her after a while, the note scrunched in her hand, forgotten, "Thorin's heir must begin the journey to Erebor in order to take his place."

For the second time that day, Fili was placed in a state of complete and utter shock.

"Surely you cannot mean-" he began, but his mother had already started to speak again.

"As Thorin's named heir, it now falls upon you to become king."

"No," Fili said almost at once, shaking his head as he rejected the idea, "No, you cannot do this to me."

"Fili, you are your uncle's heir," Dis said, "You are the one Balin asked to journey to Erebor."

"No," Fili said, "I will not. Balin cannot force me to go."

"Fili, you are Erebor's next king," his mother informed him, maintaining her side of the argument. It only took a moment for Fili to snap, all his anger, grief and fear melding into a single emotion.

"King?" Fili shouted, his voice containing a dangerous and ugly tone, "All I ever wanted to do was to be king, to follow in Thorin's footsteps when the time came. That's what I was trained to do from birth. That's why I went on that thrice damned quest! And for what? To be forced to torture and maim my younger brother? To fail in the oath I swore to protect him? To _break_ him _forever_? And now you want me to be _king_? King of what, might I ask? A useless pile of rock filled with worthless scrapes of metal and equally worthless gems?"

Dis looked wide eyed at her son, shocked and deeply upset by what he had said, what he was saying, but never the less, she cut in. It fell to her to reason with the dwarf, and reason with him she would.

"Fili, my dearest," she said in desperate voice, "You are Thorin's heir, the next in line to the throne of Erebor." Fili turned on he in his rage.

"I do not want to be king!" he all but bellowed, hands waving through the air in sharp slashing motions, "May that mountain crumble and sink into the earth! May Aluë himself curse it and remove it and the sickness it spreads from this earth!"

"Fili," Dis said as sternly as she could, not familiar with facing her son when he was in such an angered mood, "It is your duty to-"

"DUTY?" Fili roared, his words shaking the house, "I WOULD RATHER DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS BEFORE I WOULD_ EVER_ WISH TO BE KING OF THAT CURSED MOUNTAIN! DAMN ANY DUTY I HAVE SWORN TO AND DAMN WHAT ANYONE ELSE HAS TO SAY ABOUT THE MATTER!"

"If not you, than who else?" Dis snapped, growing angry herself, "For Kili will not take the throne, that much is for sure."

"Dain," her son snapped back, "Dain would be more than happy to take the throne."

"But Fili-"

"No mother," the blonde said, cutting her off as his voice and demeanour calmed, "I will not become king, not after what happened. There is a reason I do not tell anyone, a reason why Kili doesn't either. Things happened back there that I am not proud of when I look back, but things that could not be helped. I am broken, I know that. The way you and the others look at me; how can I become king when I cannot even control myself? When I can't even stop the horrors from them revisiting me every day I continue to live and breathe?"

"Fili-" Dis tried again, but Fili still had one thing left to say.

"I cannot."

With that, the blonde walked away, out the door of the house and towards where his brother was watching the colours of the sunset streak across the clouds.

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***** End *****

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**So, what did you think of the story (it was never going to get a happy ending by the way)? Review please, and thanks to all who have reviewed, favourited or followed this fic. I really appreciated it.**


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